Relational Youth Ministry – More than a Bible Study

When I first starting working with students, I was all about establishing programming. A program for the young ladies, a program for the young men, a creative arts program – dance, drama, music, camps, discipleship…on and on and on. The “tighter” the program, the better we reached the students, right?

Well, over the years, I have come to realize that when it comes down to it, students are much more easier to satisfy than I thought. Although the “programs” are enjoyed, they are not where the “real “ministry takes place. The real ministry seemed to happen individual by individual, interaction by interaction, and impact by impact. It was the “after Bible Study gatherings” at a local restaurant. The breakfasts with a couple of the young ladies on a Saturday morning. The showing up at the birthday parties. The letters in the mail. The small notes. The facebooking. The texting. The reaching out to the parents… It was within these types of interactions the ministry of the Word had its greatest impact and lasting effects.

Below is an exerpt from the book “Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry” by Doug Fields. When I read this, I was like, “Yeah, this is it. This is how we do this.” Now I am not saying do away with “programming,” but I am saying to make building relationships with each and every student a top priority. Become the “Word made flesh” to these students, and watch God move in their lives.

[Start]
Ian was an intern in my ministry for two years prior to his current youth ministry position. Recently I met a man who attends Ian’s church. He gushed, “I love Ian! Actually, my entire family loves him. He’s a great youth worker.”

As I talked with this Ian fan, he never said Ian’s youth ministry was growing, that he has started new programs, or that he was breathing fresh life into a tired volunteer team. I got the impression this father didn’t care about the trappings of youth ministry. Instead, all he talked about was how Ian cared for his son, wrote him notes, went to his football games, and occasionally called him. Then, in the middle of praising Ian, he looked at his watch and said, In fact, Ian is meeting with my son right now!” His eyes watered and a thankful tone emphasized his words as he continued to describe this effective youth worker.

I happen to know Ian has worked hard to change dead programs and inspire weary leaders; however, I’m most proud of him for how he has cared for students. He knows youth ministry programs are needed and can be effective, but he understands that relationships are the key to a healthy youth ministry. His relationship with Jesus is at the center of his ministry. Relationships with students and leaders are central to his focus. Jesus is center; people are central. That’s an equation for a healthy youth ministry. [End]

If you are the lead youth leader at your church, depending on the size of your group, it may be impossible for you to develop personal relationships with every student. Your goal, however, should be to equip and motivate your leadership team to do so. Also, not every student is gonna want a relationship with you and your leaders. Be mindful to not take this personally. Maybe your personalities don’t gel, maybe they would do better connecting with another leader, or maybe they just don’t want to be bothered at all! Whatever the reason, do what you can as a youth ministry team to reach out to each and every student that comes through your doors. That is our responsibility, no matter how the student responds.

The Small Things Matter
Here is a list of small things you can do to reach out to your students and have BIG impact:

1. Send a personal text to the students just to check in on them or to say hi.

2. Send a letter/email/text etc. to the parents bragging on their student.

3. Call the student to pray with them before a big test.

4. REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!!!

5. Invite the student to dinner.

6. Lock-ins with you and a couple of leaders with a group of “same sex” students – keeping the groups small can be very impactful.

7. Send small packages with a note to their home on their birthdays.

8. Slip the student a note of encouragement during a Bible Study.

9. Attend their games and school activities, and stay after to interact with them and their family.

I am sure you can think of many other things that would count as a “small but impactful” thing to do. The point is, BUILD THE RELATIONSHIPS – with both the students and their parents and watch God open the doors of opportunity to share His Word and love with them.

P.S. – If you stick with youth ministry long enough, you may be blessed to connect with your former students as they enter into adulthood. If you ever get a chance to ask them what impacted them the most while in youth ministry, watch how much of the relational things they held on to. It may not be a message or a teaching, but you may hear something like, “When you prayed for me when I broke up with my boyfriend…it meant so much to me.” Relational ministry at its best.