key pivot points: planning your life around the priority of parenting

Nineteen months ago from the day I am writing this article, my daughter Kendall was born. She was six weeks premature and weighed only 3.7 pounds. She was a little runt! She had a non-eventful 10-day stay in the NICU before she was sent home. After being home for two weeks, she became very ill and was readmitted into the hospital – this time in the PICU. The doctors prepared me for the possibility that she may stop breathing and had a ventilator standing by. Needless to say, this was a very nerve-wrecking time for my family and I. I wish I could tell you that I was a pillar of unshaken faith, but I desperately needed the prayer and support of strong Christian friends at that time. Thank God for their prayers and intercession.

I remember during that time that I would bring my laptop to the hospital to work – I had lessons to write for the Children’s Ministry at my church that HAD to get done (as far as I was concerned). I remember as my daughter slowly became better, I would leave the hospital to go try and knock out some more work at home (keep in mind I was still on maternity leave). Then, when we thought she was out of the woods, she relapsed, developed pneumonia, and was suspected to have meningitis. The doctors prepped me for her spinal tap…my 3-week old premature baby who should have still been inside me was about to have a spinal tap…my Lord.

Anyway, Kendall, as I stated before, is currently 19-months old – completely healthy and strong with no health issues whatsoever. She did not have to undergo the spinal tap and God truly healed her body allowing her to fully recover. The story of Kendall’s illness and recovery, however WONDERFUL it is to praise God for, is not the point of this article. The point I wanted to draw attention to is the fact that while my daughter was fighting for her life in the ICU, I was personally distracted by work that I felt needed to be done. No one at work was making me do it or even required it of me. It took the doctor coming in the room telling me that they needed to do a spinal tap on my baby before my internal light bulb came on…MY DAUGHTER NEEDED ME…ALL of me!

Now, I am not saying that there is something wrong with passing the time away at the hospital by working (I mean, there really wasn’t anything else for me to do there besides hold her and nurse her when I could, and quite frankly the distraction from anxiety was welcome), but what I am saying is that when you find yourself trying to figure out how to “fit” work into your schedule when you have a loved one in serious need as I did…well, there may be a problem there (LOL!).

God used that time in my life to revolutionize my perspective on motherhood. I used to be the type of mother that fit motherhood into her schedule (sad I know). Now, I have learned to fit everything else (work, ministry, socializing, etc.) around motherhood. There is such a big difference between the two.

Eddie and I have learned that for us, there is a short list of priorities that must serve as our life “pivot points,” meaning that there are certain things that we have identified as priorities and anything else after that can only be a part of our lives if it does not take us away from those “Key Pivot Points.” If we found ourselves drifting from our identified priorities, we could now easily recognize the distraction and make whatever shifts necessary to move it out of our lives. The rule of thumb is, “If it takes us away from our Key Pivot Points, it is not what God has for our lives at this time.”

Everyone’s Key Pivot Points are different and personalized for each individual’s or family’s life season. Right now, at the time of this article, Eddie and I have identified the following as our priorities (in order):

1. Our Relationship with God
2. Our Marriage (our love for, care for, and investment into)
3. Our Children (our love for, care for, and investment into)
4. Our Financial Stability (making sure our base level of functionality is always in tact and that we are moving forward)
5. Our Ministry (making sure we are doing what we believe God has for us to do, but not at the expense of any of the above)

Once we established our Key Pivot Points, we then identified what each of them meant for us as a family or what our goals were in each area. For example, if investment into our children is priority, what does that investment look like? Was it teaching and modeling Biblical character, establishing academic goals, extracurricular activities, and family time? What about financial stability? What was needed to maintain the base level of function for our family as well as to advance us forward? Did we both need to work right now? Was I able to stay home with the kids while they were young? Did Eddie need to work two jobs in order for me to stay at home? Should I pick up a part-time job? These are the types of questions we asked, discussed, and prayed about. We took the time to outline how we defined each pivot point and then made sure all other areas of our lives lined up with what we felt was important.

Everyone’s Key Pivot Points will be different and will most likely alter with time and as God continues to reveal His plans to us for our lives. A family with two parents present may have different priorities than a single parent home. A family with younger children may have different considerations that a family with teenagers. Regardless of the differences, if you are a parent, parenting should always, always, always be a top Key Pivot Point. This may take some creative planning and serious prayer to shift some things that are currently out of place, but God can and will order our steps in order for us to put our children and the desires of our hearts toward them first…and you don’t have to be a stay-at-home mom or dad in order to see the reality of this.

My prayer is that it doesn’t take a near death experience for one of your children before the light bulb comes on for you. The time we have with them is so, so short and we NEVER get it back. The blessings that we receive from them today will be gone tomorrow, but thank God new blessings await us. Don’t let one more day go by without identifying your life priorities, and let God direct your steps regarding your role as a parent in your child’s life.