is it okay to date a non-christian?

We recommend reading our articles “Dating vs. Courting” and “Is it OK for Teens to Date?” before reading this article!

You know, my approach to Christian living and teaching the Word is one that strives for extreme practicality. I don’t ever want to teach something that sounds too “deep” for normal life application; I desire for people to be able to take what I teach and actually walk it out in their lives and see the results of the Word in a tangible way. I also work really hard to try to view things and present them the way God views them; at least as close as my limited understanding can get to it. From where I am today in my walk with God and what I believe I have learned about Him, I think He extends us so much grace as we stumble through this life. I believe He looks at the intents of our hearts a lot more than our actions. I believe He sees areas of purity in us that others may view as missing the mark. Only He knows us to the core – all that makes us who we are, He knows.

Why do I open with saying this you may wonder? Well, I say this because there are many things that I believe the Bible gives very clear instructions on, but at the same time gives room for “heart intent” and grace for limited understanding and times of personal growth and maturity in the Word. The subject of this article, I believe, falls into this category. So, I am going to try and do my best to explain what I believe to be very clear instructions, but also show how God’s grace can be applied as well. Here we go.

1. No Communion with Unbelievers
Alright. Let’s start by looking at 2 Corinthians 6:14.
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in
common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

The word yoked means to be “joined” together or to be “attached.” When people fellowship or when you have a “communion”, there is some type of common association in which an “exchange” of some sort is happening. When I look this word up in a Bible dictionary, I find a few types of words being used to describe fellowship and communion:

Share, community, association, joint participation…here are some deep ones…intimacy, intercourse (Oooo…)

Based on these words, this scripture is basically asking us, “How can two people that are unequal have a true, intimate relationship?”

Now when I say unequal, I am not saying that one person is better than the other. That’s not what this means. It’s asking, “How can two people who believe differently, have different values, and morals have an effective relationship”? If you have made a decision to live a life according to God’s Word, it’s important that you do your best to put people in your life that have decided the same. If not, you may have a harder time, maybe even impossible time, trying to live a life pleasing to God and one filled with His blessings. You also will open your life up to a boat load of conflicts, arguments, disagreements, and DRAMA. From how to spend your money, how to raise your kids, how to resolve issues…when one person wants to do the Word and the other can care less about doing the Word…you get my drift. The Bible tells us that two people living like this CANNOT do any of the above effectively:

Amos 3:3 (New Living Translation)
Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?

1 Corinthians 6:15 (New Living Translation)
What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an
unbeliever?

So, after reading this, it should be pretty clear what the Word of God instructs in regards to being in a romantic relationship with someone that does not confess Jesus as Lord AND does not desire to live according to the Word. If you were to ask me point blank if this is OK, my answer would have to be straight up, “no.”

2. I Know People That Are Married but Only One Spouse is Saved…What About Them?
There are many, many circumstances where a couple is married and one person is saved and the other person isn’t. I know of some personally and have family members that are in this circumstance. This could have happened for a number of reasons:

1. Neither was saved when they got married, but one became saved after the fact.
2. The saved partner didn’t know any better (regarding what the Word says) at the time they got married.
3. The saved partner really didn’t care that the other person was not saved and married them anyway.

Whatever the reasons are, God in His infinite wisdom has made allowances in His Word for this and has given the saved partner instructions on how to apply the Word:

1 Corinthians 7:12 – 15
12 Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a Christian man
has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 13 And if a
Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not
leave him. 14 For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to
his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. 15 (But if the husband or wife
who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer
bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.)

God also gives instructions on how a saved spouse can lead an unsaved spouse to Christ:

1 Peter 3:1 – 2
1 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse
to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over
2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.

Even though this scripture is talking to wives, the principle of living a godly life in front of your spouse applies to husbands as well in order for them to lead their unsaved wives to God.

Wow – isn’t this all amazing? In one area of the Word, God is clearly instructing us to not join ourselves in close relationships (like courting and marriage) with unbelievers, but also shows us how to live if we end up in a marriage with someone that does not believe the Word. God is so good to us.

3. What This is NOT Saying
OK, just to make some things clear, I wanted to outline a couple of things that this article and these scriptures are NOT saying:
a. They are not saying that you have a choice to enter into “either” a relationship with a Christian or one with a non-Christian. Yes, ultimately it is our own choice and free will to do what we want to do, but the Word is instructing us on the best way to enter into a relationship, while also extending grace to those that did not enter into a relationship the best way. I strongly, strongly encourage you to just do instruction #1 so you won’t have to apply instruction #2…so much more drama going down the path of #2…just believe me!

b. They are not saying that a relationship will not work out if you don’t follow instruction #1. On the contrary, God wants His goodness in our lives and has done all that He can to ensure we experience His goodness, even in our missteps. Some of you may have parents that are not both saved. Life can still be good – for both them and for you. Either application of the Word explained above will produce God’s goodness for all involved. One path may be a bit more challenging than the other, but good nevertheless.