is it okay for teens to date?

Ok, Ok…I have to be honest. This is not something that I really like discussing – well, with teens anyway. Sometimes, not with adults too! Why? Well, because I think there are a lot of different opinions out there on this subject. Many of them are not in conflict with the Word, but they may not be in line with what “I” think about the subject. When I began thinking about how to write an article about it, I didn’t want to just talk about what I thought, but wanted to really tap into the mind of God regarding dating period. So, here is what I came up with.

1. Deciding to Do it God’s Way
This article is written from the context of instructing people that have already decided they want to do things God’s way. If you have decided that you want to live for God and desire to line this area of your life up with the Word, then this is for you. If you are not sure if you want to honor God and live for Him, well, I encourage you to read it anyway. It’s good stuff! I just wanted to be clear about the perspective that this information is coming from.

2. Are we Talking About “Dating” or “Courting?”
I think before answering this question, we need to define what we mean by dating? Are we talking about going “out” on a date with someone we are attracted to or are we talking about being in a committed relationship with someone we like? Here is how we at Examples define it:

Dating – Dating is any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of agreeing on a time and “date” when a pair can meet and engage in some social activity. A form of romantic courtship between two individuals who may or may not expect marriage.

Courting – Courtship is the traditional dating period before engagement and marriage. During a courtship, a couple dates to get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. Usually courtship is a public affair, done in public and with family approval.

So, in a nutshell, a “date” is something that two people that are “courting” take part in as they are deciding on the other person’s suitability for marriage. We are NOT talking about going out on random dates with different people so you can “check them out” or “getcho grove on.” We are specifically talking about intentional time being spent with someone in order to assess them for marriage. That’s it!

NOTE: Now, I won’t go into this in detail in this article, but being “prepared” for marriage is also key in deciding to “court” someone. So, if you have no job, no car, are living with your parents, can’t remember to feed and walk the dog on a regular basis, can’t pull decent grades in school…well, you get the picture. You may need to wait a minute before start thinking about courting…(LOL).

3. What Do Your Parents Say?
You are going to have to follow the lead of your parents on this. What is the standard for your household? Are you allowed to be in a relationship like this? If so, what are the guidelines and boundaries? This should be a very detailed discussion between you and your parents. Some things that you could ask your parents are:

• Do you think I am ready for something like this?
• Are there areas in my life that you see I need to work on in order to be ready?
• What do you think about “so and so?” Do you think they are right for me?
• What are some of the things you have learned from past experiences?
• Should I wait until I am older to begin courting?
• What are some things I should be looking for in a mate/relationship?
• Should my focus/attention be somewhere else for this season of my life?

4. “You Are Not Ready” Red Flags
a. If you are dating someone behind your parents back, then you are NOT ready to be in a relationship. Why? Because you are already violating the Word by showing a lack of honor for the role your parents have in your life.

Ephesians 6:2 – 3 (New Living Translation)
“Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you…”

You are already setting yourself up for things to go badly by sneaking around with whoever it is you’re sneaking around with. A more mature person would be willing to talk to their parents about their desire to be in a relationship with someone and accept the counsel and instructions given to them by their parents REGARDLESS IF THEY AGREE WITH THEIR PARENTS OR NOT! As you begin to earn the trust of your parents AND of God, then you set yourself up for God to bring the right person into your life. You set yourself up for things to go well in this area, and believe me, you really want things to go well.

b. If you are not willing to have your parents and/or other trusted adults watch over and guide your relationship, then you are NOT ready.
Why? Because you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain and drama when you don’t allow wise counselors to speak to you regarding something as serious as a courting relationship.

Proverbs 11:4 (Amplified Translation)
Where no wise guidance is, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

Relationships are hard enough even when they are done right. We all need to have people in our lives that can help us navigate through them – even adults need wise counselors in their lives to help them. How much more then would a teenager need people that can help guide them in order to keep them safe emotionally, physically, as well as spiritually. If you are not willing to talk to your parents and/or other godly adults on a regular basis regarding your relationship – AND do what they instruct you to do in it – then you are not ready.

c. If you have a past history with sexual promiscuity or behavior, then you very well may NOT be ready.
Listen, let’s not get deep here. If you have a hard time not ending up having sex with someone – even if you didn’t “mean” for it to happen, then you may need to take a break from the relationship scene. Seriously, come on. Why position yourself for failure?

OK, so you may be asking me now, “Will I ever be able to be in a relationship if I have a sexual history?”

Of course you will; that is not what I am saying here. What I am saying is just common sense stuff. Give yourself some time to grow in the Word. Learn as much as you can about how to handle relationships and honor God in them. Learn how to set boundaries in this area. Find people to be accountable to. Just give yourself time to develop more and be strengthened. With God’s leading and timing, AND with the wise counsel from those that are in your life, you will know when the time is right…and it will be good!

There are so many things that I can continue to talk about, but for the sake of losing your interest (I may have lost it already!), I will stop here. I hope some of this information was helpful and useful for all that have read it. Examples just wants to see God’s best in your life, in every area. Give this area over to Him, and believe that He will lead you in the way you should go. He only wants to see good in your life, so trust Him with it…all of it.