is dating in the bible?

I will answer this question at the top of this article – NO; as far as I can find, dating is not in the Bible nor are there any examples of dating in the Bible that I am aware of (feel free to prove me wrong – I am very interested in feedback here).

Dating, by definition, is a fairly new concept to our culture. It has evolved over time from a more traditional relationship practice of courtship (to see our definitions of dating and courtship, view our “Dating vs. Courting” article). The act of going out on un-chaperoned, informal, male-female outings did not really begin until somewhere around the early 1900’s; so dating is something pretty new for us, starting with people possibly as young as our grandparents or great grandparents!

Now, as time goes on, new cultural and social practices will continue to be introduced and created. You didn’t see our grandparents using laptops and iPhones when they were growing up. Things will always be changing in this world we live in and social norms will continue to evolve. It is because of this, however, that we should cling to what the Word instructs us regarding all areas of our lives so that we don’t stray too far from God’s original intent for His us. Let me give an example to better explain what I am saying here:

God created music. He created it for our enjoyment and for His for that matter. The ways we listen to and enjoy music, however, has changed since the beginning of mankind. We are living in a world where we can access music from just about anywhere; the internet, our phones, music videos, downloads, etc. Even though the ease or access, distribution, and creation have changed, God’s original intent has not. The impact music has on and in us has not. Even though God desires for us to enjoy it, He also desires to be glorified in and with music. Also, no matter how music evolves, words will always, ALWAYS have great power.

Proverbs 18: 21 (Message Translation)
Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.

So, no matter how technology advances, the words and lyrics we allow ourselves to listen to will always have the power of death and life in them. The wisdom from the Word regarding music will always remain constant:
• Guard our hearts with all diligence, for out of our hearts come the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23)
• Evil communication corrupts good manners. (1 Corinthians 15:33)
• Do not be deceived, God is not mocked. Whatever you sow you will reap. (Galatians 6:7)

And so on and so on. The point is, no matter how society evolves the truths of the Word do not and will always apply to our lives in some shape or form.

The same is true regarding this whole dating thing. You are not going to find dating or examples of dating in the Bible, but you will find models of relationships in there. So, we have to take the more modern day practice of dating and line it up the best we can with the models set in the Bible in order to get back to God’s original intent.

One of the closest examples I see regarding a “courting” relationship is that of Mary and Joseph. Let’s take a look at a couple of things that stand out to me.

Matthew 1:18 (New Living Translation)
This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit.

In the King James version, the word that was used instead of engaged was “espoused.” This word means the following:
1. to woo her and ask her in marriage
2. to be promised in marriage, be betrothed

So, as we see here, the word “espoused” implies that there was some type of relationship between Joseph and Mary before they were married. The Bible doesn’t really go into detail regarding how Joseph and Mary met nor how they came to be engaged, but it does say that Joseph, in some way or fashion, “wooed” Mary in order to win her affections. This is HEALTHY and GODLY. There is nothing wrong with attempting to win over the affections of someone you like. BUT, God designed for this “wooing” to be going on towards the person we are considering for marriage. We are not talking about casual attractions here; you know, liking someone for a month or so and then moving on to someone else that we think is “cute or hot.” No, we are talking about a person we are seriously considering to marry and be a potential parent for our children. Serious stuff here.

Now that we have a Biblical model, we should desire for our own personal life applications to follow suit. How can this example be applied? I believe every ones own personal life experiences will merit different forms of applicability, but here are some considerations:

1. If you are in a relationship now, is it with someone that you can see yourself marrying?
2. If you are in a relationship now, do you find yourself interested in other people?
3. Do you go out on dates with different people only because you think it is fun to do?
4. Are you even ready to be considering marriage? Financially, in maturity, responsibly, spiritually?
5. Is marriage the farthest thing from your mind right now, but you still like going out alone with people you are attracted to, engage in kissing and other forms of affection with those people without desiring any type of serious commitment?

OK, so take your answers to those questions and then look back to the model of Joseph and Mary. If you are not “wooing” as a result of a desire and readiness for marriage, then you probably need to just hold off on serious relationships right now. Just that easy, you are lining yourself up with the Word of God and setting yourself up to receive God’s best in this area of your life. This is the walk of faith. This is how it works. Not rocket science, but the results are out of this world – literally!

There are so many other considerations regarding this subject and Examples welcomes your insights and feed back to this article, but for the sake of time and space, we will stop here for now.

To sum this all up:
1. Dating is a fairly new concept to our culture.
2. There are no Biblical examples of “dating” that I know of.
3. Our desires regarding relationships, regardless of how our society and culture define them, should always strive to be in line with God’s original intent and plan.

Make sure to take a look our articles on “Dating vs. Courting” and “Is it OK for Teens to Date?” for more information on this topic.