from grad to gone! what do we do with graduating high school seniors?

One of the Examples leaders recently informed me about some of the young ladies from her church that went away to college this past school year. The report, unfortunately, was dismal. All three ladies had strayed away from serving God. One was pregnant and had not informed her family that she was expecting. All three young ladies were sexually active. All three were involved in hetero and homo sexual lifestyles. Drinking, smoking, drugs…etc. All were between 18 and 19 years old. As I said, the report was not the best (at least from a Christian perspective).

As I talked with her about this, I heard the sadness in her voice. She wanted to know what went wrong. Was there anything that she could have done as a youth leader that could have helped prevent some of these decisions these young ladies had made? Is there anything she could do now? Did she have a responsibility to inform their parents and families of whom she still attended church with? What does she do???

Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon thing. I have worked with youth for a long enough period of time to see many of them go away to school, marry, and have children. I have watched enough of their journeys to know that many times, they don’t continue on a path with God. I have also wondered if there was anything that I could have done differently to have prevented some of their unhealthy life choices. I know oh so well the weight of responsibility that is felt when one of the students I helped to shepherd in the Word does not choose God as an adult.

So, is there anything that can be done to stop this? Well, maybe not completely “stop” it. Every person has to choose their own path and whether or not they want to serve God. That’s just the way it is. Youth Ministry is most effective when it works along side the parents/families of the students to equip them in the Word. The family is the primary sphere of spiritual influence, and Youth Ministry (and the church for that matter) will never replace this. So, a student that does not have a family/home setting that imparts, models, and equips them in the Word on a regular day to day basis, well…sometimes Youth Ministry becomes a band-aid for deeper issues that are there. God DEFINITELY can and does use the church to plant the Word and equip us all to do the work of the ministry, but we cannot ignore the fact that whatever is sown, good or bad, it will be reaped. So, I say all of this to say, much of this is out of our control and only in God’s; we cannot wallow in guilt and blame about what we did or didn’t do.

OK, here is a big HOWEVER…

However, as leaders in church and Youth Ministry, WE MUST take on the responsibility of doing all that we can to reach this age group. Many churches do not have anything in place to serve and minister to young adults during this pivotal time period in their lives. One of the most challenging times for young adults is when they are transitioning from being a high school “kid” to a responsible, functioning adult. In my many years of working in Youth Ministry, time after time I have seen seniors graduate from high school and continue to hang around the youth group each week. A few may have identified a call to work with students and want to become youth leaders…but MOST are there because they don’t want to (or don’t know how to) let go of the old OR are still stumbling upon finding their life direction and destiny. They may not feel they quite fit into the adult worship service, but they also no longer want to be labeled a “teen.”
Just as an elementary school child needs help in transitioning to middle school and a middle school student help transitioning to high school, a high school senior needs help transitioning to adulthood…and this is not done in a one or two time sit down Bible study setting or summer program. This is a two to four year process for this young adult – and this is a VITAL time period for them spiritually. The church should be aware of this and work to walk with them hand in hand in order to help them reach their destinies in God.

What can we do?
I think there are many things that can be done and each ministry will probably have organic needs that are unique to their location and church body. But below are some things to think about and are probably applicable for any church location.

1. Expect some of these students to re-evaluate who they are and what they believe – As much as we don’t want it, it is perfectly normal for a student at this time in their lives to begin to re-evaluate what they believe spiritually. This is sometimes when they discover whether or not they have been living on the faith of their parents or on their own faith. This is common. Our responsibility is to help them process this and, if needed, redirect them back to the Word. This can be done by:
a. Creating a Bible Study for this age group that possibly meets during the same time the Youth Ministry meets (many of them are showing up anyway) that addresses some of these issues.
b. Help the student recognize if they truly have a personal relationship with God and if not, how to develop it (if they even want to!) If you have students that decide that they don’t want to serve God and don’t believe the Word, well, then your service to them now changes. You are no longer discipling, you are now loving them, praying for them, and looking for opportunities to share the Word and love of God to them. Maybe one day it will assist in drawing them to Jesus.
c. In your Bible Study, introduce them to apologetics and make them aware of other religions and belief systems. Then, teach them how to effectively articulate their faith in the Word – helping them get to the point that they can express clearly what they believe and why they believe it. IMPORTANT – they can only get to this point on their own. This is not something that can be taught. This has to be personal revelation for each individual. We can ask questions to provoke thought and help them find answers to specific questions they have, but we cannot “teach” someone to have faith in the Word. This is so important. At this time in their lives, they will begin to meet people and become exposed more to other beliefs that could challenge their faith – especially if they are going away to school. Helping them process through what they believe to a point of clear expression will send them away with a solid foundation and, prayerfully, an unwavering faith.

Also, we cannot wait to do this right before they go off to school. Beginning the above during their senior year of high school would be the ideal time to start working through these things.

2. Mentoring – Assign each high school senior a mentor at the beginning of their senior year. Ideally, this mentor will work with them to encourage them, pray for them, and disciple them until they graduate. This mentor can be key in helping the student determine if they want to go to college or figure out what they would like to do after graduation. Also, once they graduate, a mentor can continue on with them throughout their college experience or the years after graduation. Some things that can be done are:
a. Help a college bound student find a church to attend on campus if they are going away for school.
b. Help them connect with Christian organizations on their campus that could introduce them to other Christian students, student Bible studies, events, etc. Helping them create a healthy social circle.

3. Do not mistake a grounded, sound-thinking high school student as one that will not have any issues with their faith walk after graduation. – This is a huge mistake that some parents and church leaders make. We have to give allowance for these responsible students to go through “the process of transition” as well and not assume they won’t have issues transitioning during this stage in life. They most likely will have some questions and issues, we just need to make sure we extend them the same graces as explained above and be there for them to help, serve, and assist. Don’t make the mistake and assume that these teens are more stable than what they really are; that could prove to be very costly.

These are just a few things to consider as you ponder on what is the best way for you minister to this age group. There are significant needs for them during this time in their lives. Pray, talk it over with other leaders and parents, and get the mind of God regarding these young adults at your local church and see what He may have for you to do for them. I believe He has something for us all…

For more information on this topic, visit www.youthministry.com. Below is a link to an article called “Gradating from Church: An Honest Look at Transitioning High School Grads” http://www.youthministry.com/?q=node/4867