For Parents – “Intentionally Listen”

I just wanted to post this insert from a book by Jill Savage called “My Heart’s at Home.” I thought it was great.

Proverbs 4:12 (NLT) – If you live a life guided by wisdom, you won’t limp or stumble as you run.

I thank God daily for bringing more and more wisdom to my family as we strive to live this life of faith and see His abundant life for us manifest. Enjoy the passage and post comments.

Intentionally Listen
“Mom, can we talk?” That’s a question most of us long to hear from our kids. It’s hard for a kid to ask that even in the best relational environment, but it’s nearly impossible for them to ask that when they anticipate the response will be a lecture, a dozen ways to solve the problem, or out-and-out anger. As a parent, there are two questions we need to ask ourselves: “Am I a good listener?” and “Am I a safe person to talk to?”

Learning to listen is one of the most important skills in which a parent can grow. How we listen will determine whether a person feels heard, valued, and repsected. Many years ago, four-year-old Austin was telling me a story while I prepared dinner. He sat at the insland in the kitchen while I moved from the refrigerator to the sink to the pantry and back again. As Austin talked, I gave some verbal reponses to let him know I was listening. But that wasn’t enough. Finally, he interrupted his story and said with frustration, “Mom, will you listen to me?” I told him I was listening and even repeated part of the story back to him. He responded with, “No, don’t just listen with your ears. Listen to me with your eyes.” Wow. There’s nothing like a life lesson from your four-year-old.

We can remember the three keys to listening well with three words: Stop, Look, and Listen.

1. STOP everything you are doing and turn your body toward the person talking.

2. LOOK in their eyes to give value and affirmation as they speak.

3. LISTEN intently and refrain from using your mouth except to encourage.

If they are facing a problem that needs to be solved, you might ask, “Are you looking for solutions or do you just need me to listen?” This helps clarify what your spouse or child is looking for from you as they vent. It also makes you a better listener and makes them feel you are a safe person to talk to. [end]

I just thought this was a powerful section of the book. It’s pretty simple, but even as I type this blog, my 3.5 year old walked up to me upset because he couldn’t find his toy school bus. I addressed his concern without even breaking my type…I still have a lot to learn, huh?