dating vs courting and the christian

I’ve heard many people say that Christians shouldn’t be involved in dating but they should be courting. Now when I first heard this, I thought to myself, “Aren’t they the same thing?” What difference would it make if I said “Deanna and I are dating” vs. “Deanna and I are courting.” Before I go any further in this, let’s define dating and courting…

Dating – Any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of agreeing on a time and “date” when a pair can meet and engage in some social activity. A form of romantic courtship between two individuals who may or may not expect marriage

Courting – The traditional dating period before engagement and marriage. During a courtship, a couple dates to get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. Usually courtship is a public affair, done in public and with family approval.

Now, notice that both words use the other to define it. Does this mean that both words mean the same thing and that “courting” is just a Christian word for “dating”? Well, yes and no.

The basic meaning of both words is that you have two people that have decided that they wanted spend some time to get to know each other better. Now this is where I believe the differences are. Dating has a negative connotation because in implies “trying out” someone. Often times, if one goes into a relationship with the attitude of “I’m going to try them out” then he/she will discover some things they don’t like and decide to move on to another individual and “try the other person out”. Sometimes, an individual may decided to “try out” more than one person at the same time. Courting, on the other hand, implies getting to know a single individual with the intent of engagement and marriage, and with wise counsel.

So my question to you is that the person that you like, do you just want to hang out with them, have a good time, “try them out”, or are you seeking to eventually marry that person?

I dated a lot before I got saved, none of which I had any interest in marrying. My goal was to have a good time. But after I got saved, all of that stopped. To me, dating in that manner was a waste of time. It didn’t make sense to me to put myself and another individual through the emotional turmoil of becoming close to someone, only to throw the relationship away. I didn’t want to get involved with someone if I new it wasn’t going anywhere. So, I went to God and told him that the next person I dated would be someone that I would be interested in marrying. Before I met my wife I dated only one person, but we soon realized that we came into the relationship with different expectations and that it was best to end it.. So in an attempt to avoid this situation again, I developed a list of things that I desired in a future wife (primarily based on the Word of God and some personal desires), and I took this list to God in prayer. Between the time that I stopped dating the first young lady and when I met my wife, there were many opportunities for me to date and many young ladies that I found attractive, but none of them met the personal standard I’d set for myself. And it wasn’t until I’d come to the point of if I never got married I will be content in serving God as a single man, that I met Deanna.

“So is it okay for christians to date or should christians court?”

I personally don’t believe in christians dating, but I am a strong advocate of christian courtship because I believe God is a God of purpose and I don’t see any purpose behind dating. In courtship, on the otherhand there is purpose and more of an “alertness” because one realizes that this may be the person that I spend the rest of my life with.

“How do I know if I’m ready to begin courting?”

Ask yourself these questions….
1. Do I know what I want in a future mate?
2. Am I going into this with the intent of marriage one day?
3. Am I mature enough to handle this kind of relationship? (You may want to seek wise counsel on this one.)
4. Am I willing to submit my relationship to my parents or other trusted adult counsel? (We often times become so involved romantically with the person we are interested in that we are blinded by the “danger” signs that others such as our trusted adult counsel can see)

But regardless of if you were or were not able to answer yes, to these questions, I encourage you to seek God and make the most of being single and I promise that you will find fulfillment in life.