Examples Family – Strengthening Families and the Ministries that Serve Them!

Visit us at www.ExamplesFamily.org.

Examples Family Ministries is the arm of Examples Ministries, Inc. that exists to serve one purpose, to strengthen the entire family – Mothers, Fathers, Husbands, Wives, Children and Youth. By offering a variety of equipping resources and biblical insight, we strive to provide individuals and families, from all walks of life, with tools that will assist them in growing personally and investing their faith in God in others.

Vision and Mission of Examples Family Ministries

Titus 2:1 – 8 (MSG)

Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives. But mostly, show them all this by doing it yourself, incorruptible in your teaching, your words solid and sane. Then anyone who is dead set against us, when he finds nothing weird or misguided, might eventually come around.

Our mission is to provide Families, Parents, Children’s Ministry Leaders, Youth Ministry Leaders, Ministries and Organizations with resources, information, teaching, and training that empower them to:

1. Grow in faith.
2. Strengthen families.
3. Impart their faith in God and His Word to their children and others.
4. Develop and strengthen programming within their ministries, organizations and communities in order to do all of the above.

Examples Family currently has the following areas of ministry focus:

• Children’s Ministry Resources – provides information and resources to support churches in their Children’s Ministry efforts and in their connection to the families that they serve.
   
• XYM (Examples Youth Ministries) – provides information and resources to support churches and youth organizations in their efforts to reach youth grades 6th – 12th and their parents.
   
• Mother’s Ministry – provides information, resources, assistance, and encouragement to mothers from all walks of life. Provides resources for churches and organizations to develop and maintain mom’s groups that desire to provide encouragement, equipping, information, natural and spiritual support for mothers; ultimately equipping mothers to impart their faith to their children and serve their families in motherhood. We also provide information and workshops designed to further equip leaders of mothers groups as well workshops for mothers and families.
   
• Parenting Ministry – provides information and resources for equipping parents in their role of “parenting” and imparting their faith to their children.
   
• Marriage Ministry – provides natural and Biblical information and resources to help strengthen marriages.
   
• Outreach – Works to provide resources, training, time, skills, or whatever is needed to assist individuals or families in need; either nationally or internationally. This can take on many forms; either partnering with existing organizations or creating our own outreach opportunity.

my daughter, my valentine

 “Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives. But mostly, show them all this by doing it yourself, incorruptible in your teaching, your words solid and sane. Then anyone who is dead set against us, when he finds nothing weird or misguided, might eventually come around.” (Titus 2:1-8 The Message Translation)

 “Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.” (Ephesians 6:4 The Message Translation)

There is much revelation that can be mined from the two scriptures above, but in this I want to focus more on the relationships between fathers and daughters and the impact fathers have in their lives.

Men, your daughters are watching you.  Everything you do, everything you say, how you treat them, how you treat your wife and other women.  You are the primary example of what the relationship between a man and a woman should be.  Whatever it is you are or are not doing will affect how they view themselves and affect their future relationships.

With this in mind, why don’t we do what the scripture says, to “take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.”  When I see that phrase, personal involvement comes to mind.  I believe what God is telling us is that we need to do more than give our daughters instructions, make rules about curfew and the kind of guys to watch out for.  Not saying there is anything wrong with these things, but there needs to be impartation into their lives.  We need to embrace our responsibility as the leader in our homes and influence and model, not dictate, what is the Godly way. 

Part of our role as a father is to “lead” them in the right way.  Let’s give them an example to follow.  Let’s “take them by the hand” and show them how they are supposed to be treated when out on a date by literally taking them on dates.  This can start early, but it is never too late to start.  My daughter is only two at the time of this article.  Our latest date was a trip to the movies to see “The Princess an the Frog.”  During this time, she is the center of my attention.  I shower her with all the love and affirmation I can come up with.  Even though at two, she rarely makes it through the entire movie without her eyes getting heavy, the point is not that she isn’t old enough to sit through a movie.  The point is that there is one-on-one time with her dad, who is modeling and demonstrating how the gentle, godly love of a man should look and feel.

It is also our role to show our daughters how their future husbands should meet their emotional needs.  Much of this will be modeled by the way we meet the emotional needs of our wives.  They will learn how a man should talk to them, serve them, cover and protect them by our execution of these things towards their mothers – whether the mother is in the home or not. 

Bottom line, when this Valentine’s Day roles around, let’s all decide to do our best to include our daughters in the “romancing” and expressions of love.  Let’s tell them how much we love them so that they don’t have to search for it from others that want to take advantage of them.  Let’s build their self-esteem by telling them they are beautiful, smart, capable, and supporting them in their endeavors even when we may not have a natural interest in those things.  Let’s take the time to listen to them and encourage communication with them.

The Bible says that as arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth (Psalm 127:4).  A mighty man knows his target and he skillfully points his arrows in the direction of that target and hits it. When we set the target for our daughters to be virtuous women of God, we skillfully point them in that direction by the personal, quality time that we spend with them, the gentle and firm instructions and corrections we give, and the Godly example we set before them.  My prayer is that when its time to send my daughter off, she will hit the target God intended for her life. 

You better believe I’m giving it all I have to ensure her safe delivery.

By Eddie Mason, III, Director

family entertainment – “Alice in Wonderland” in 3D

I’m late, I’m late, I’m late for a very important date.  No time to say “Hello”, “Goodbye” I’m late, I’m late, I’m late.

These are some of the most memorable lines in “Alice and Wonderland”.  Do you remember…?  The White Rabbit of course!  This begins Alice’s journey as she follows the White Rabbit down the rabbit hole into Wonderland. 

This was one of my favorite movies growing up as a child.  I remember watching it constantly with my two cousins.  Alice adventure ran her into some interesting characters such as the Cheshire Cat, the March Hare, the Red Queen and who could forget the Mad Hatter.

Well guess what….Alice has returned to Wonderland!  That’s right…Disney has made a 3-D sequel scheduled for release March 5th.  In the sequel Alice is now 19 and attends a party at a Victorian estate shortly after the death of her father. The party is a surprise engagement party for Alice planned by her mother and sister. Just as the arrogant and dull Hamish Ascot proposes to Alice under a gazebo and under the eyes of hundreds of snooty society-types, Alice spots a white rabbit wearing a waistcoat and pocket watch. In shock and confusion, she runs off into a maze and follows the White Rabbit through it, only to later tumble down a rabbit hole into Wonderland, a place she has visited ten years before, yet doesn’t remember. In Wonderland, she reunites with her childhood friends, including the Mad Hatter, who explains to Alice that they need her help in over-throwing the Red Queen, who has assumed control of all Wonderland. Alice then embarks — assuming both large and small sizes — on an adventure of self discovery and to save Wonderland and her Wonderland friends from both the Jabberwocky and the Red Queen’s reign of terror.

 The movie is not currently rated but should prove to be a good family flick.  Go check it out and let us know what you think!

Watch the movie trailer here.

By Valerie Kennedy (adapted from Wikipedia)
XYM Entertainment Researcher

if He trusted mary…

Luke 2: 1 – 7 (AMP)

¹In those days it occurred that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that the whole Roman empire should be registered.

²This was the first enrollment, and it was made when Quirinius was governor of Syria.

³And all the people were going to be registered, each to his own city or town.

⁴And Joseph also went up from Galilee from the town of Nazareth to Judea, to the town of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David,

⁵To be enrolled with Mary, his espoused (married) wife, who was about to become a mother.

⁶And while they were there, the time came for her delivery,

⁷And she gave birth to her Son, her Firstborn; and she wrapped Him in swaddling clothes and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room or place for them in the inn.

A few days ago, I heard a story depicting Mary and Joseph’s, as in parents of Jesus, journey to Bethlehem for the census when she was pregnant with Jesus.  It was the first time I ever really considered what Mary went through on that trip or what Joseph may have been feeling.  Think about it – Mary was nine months pregnant and went on what was probably about an 11-day trip on a donkey!  I can’t even imagine going on a road trip in a car for 11 days if I was nine months pregnant!  Just thinking about the discomforts I had when I was in my last trimester…my goodness.  This was not an easy trip for her.

Can you imagine what Joseph was going through?  The woman he loved and was responsible for was exhausted and uncomfortable.  He didn’t have a bed for her to sleep in during the nights.  He didn’t have the comforts from home that could ease her during their travels.  When she went into labor, did he lose it?  Was he frantic and feeling helpless???  I imagine all he could do is his best to find a safe place for her to deliver and do his best to help and provide for her.  That had to have been hard for him.

Now, try to imagine the whole cave scene where Jesus was born.  I already have trouble thinking about natural child birth with no meds!  Mary was surrounded by animals and their excretions, outdoors, and probably laid on the ground while giving birth (maybe she had some hay to lay on I don’t know!).  Bottom line, this was a less than ideal place for her to be, but she got through it and all went well.

When I heard the story, I was like, whoa…I don’t know if I could have done that.  I don’t know if I could have gone through all of those discomforts and hard times.  I’m sure Mary had her doubts at times too, but…God chose her to carry and bare His Son.  He knew Mary would take care of herself while pregnant.  He knew that she would make sound decisions about her body during the delivery.  He also knew that Joseph would have the wisdom, ability, and provisions to take care of her and Jesus.  He trusted them with His only Son.  What a big deal.

After pondering this entire ordeal, I believe the Holy Spirit whispered these words to me, “Hey, I trust you too.”  What???  Wow.  God has put His trust in Eddie and I to care for the two children He has blessed us with.  When things get hard and uncomfortable, He is saying, “I trust you.  I trust you with two of my prized possessions.  Care for them.  Keep and protect them.  Teach and discipline them.  Love them well.”  God has given us all of the wisdom, ability and anointing necessary to raise our children from infants to adulthood.  Just as Mary and Joseph got through that very rough journey, we can get through our very rough journeys in life with our children as we trust and rely on God to lead us.

What peace I have knowing that I don’t have to fear that I am incapable of being a parent.  It’s one of the only jobs you get where there is no orientation prior to getting started.  All of it is on the job training.  So because of this, God has implanted in our Spirits the ability to successfully rear our children as He watchfully and faithfully orders our steps.

So I admonish you today.  If your journey happens to be rough during this season of life, take courage.  God has not left you stranded, just like He did not leave Mary and Joseph stranded with Jesus.  He has equipped you for this occupation and you can do it; and not just get by with the minimum effort, but you can do it well.  The God of Mary and Joseph, the Father of our Lord Jesus, is with you.

FOR PARENTS – thank God for the mud!

Recently I went on a field trip with my son Quad and his pre-school class to the pumpkin patch. Just to give you some sort of an idea of what this trip was like; it had rained almost every day the prior 16 days…so to describe that place as muddy is a vast understatement. It was sooooo MUDDY! There was not one place we could step without our feet sinking into squishy, mushy grass and mud. I honestly don’t think I have ever been somewhere (on purpose) that had that much mud. LOL!

Well, it probably goes without saying that a class full of four-year olds thought that this was the absolute best place to be. My son, even without a pair of goulashes on, splashed in every mud puddle, visited every muddy farm animal pen, ran multiple times through the muddy hay maze, climbed a huge, soggy wood chip hill (and ran down it countless times), rode the muddy hay ride (where we were warned that the tractor may get stuck), and let’s not forget, picked a muddy pumpkin. He had a ball and I truly had a blast playing with and watching him.

While there, however, I overheard some comments from a few other parents. One warned me as I walked in, “It is too muddy to have the kids here!” Another said, “This is just ridiculous!” Many complained about the mess their children were – mud-splattered coats, shoes soaked through to their socks, pant cuffs turning from blue to dark brown (believe me, you can forget about the cuffs of their pants!). So many chaperoning parents (from other schools I must add – not our wonderful pre-school!) were disappointed in the condition the pumpkin patch was in and the brown blurs their children were becoming. I was unsure how to respond to them; I mean I was quite enjoying watching Quad splash and run in the mud. I splashed and ran with him as a matter of fact. My perspective was quite different – I had never been on a field trip with my child before and with this being his last year before going to school, I was so thankful to have the freedom in my schedule to go with him. It was SUCH a joy and I was so blessed for it.

Now, I’m not writing to talk about how unthankful these “other” parents were about being at the pumpkin patch with their child. On the contrary, listening to these other parents complain actually made me repent about all of the things in my life I took for granted but needed to be thankful for. For example, I relocated to Chicago from Florida and every since I have been here, I have complained about the weather. How much better would it be for God’s ears if I thanked Him for giving me the opportunity to live in the same city as my parents and sisters? Another example (I could go on an on folks…): when we moved here to Chicago, we moved into a small two bedroom condo which was probably less than half the size of our three bedroom home in Florida. Oh, hear me when I say I complained about that one! Once again, how much better would it have been for me to thank God for allowing us to live in that condo rent free for almost two years!

I know there are a lot of things that happen in our lives that are crappy…or even tragic for that matter. The Bible tells us the following:

John 16:33 (AMP)
In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration;

Trouble is a part of life. We all know what it is and we have all experienced it. There is nothing good or joyful about going through trouble. Whether it is in our finances, our relationships, with our children…trouble ain’t fun.

But, the last part of this verse says this:

…but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]

Because Jesus has overcome the world and the trouble this world brings, there really is no circumstance or situation that I come across that I cannot give God thanks in…because according to this verse Jesus has deprived it of power…and in the end I win. This is applicable even with whatever you may be going through with your teenager. Isn’t it wonderful to know that no matter what it is, the power satan would like to give to it has been taken away by our Lord? Wow. That should minimize your issue down to itty bitty when you look at it like that.

When you look at life through these eyes, not only does a muddy pumpkin patch and dirty four-year old kid not disturb you, the other nuisances of life should be small in our sight as well. What a blessing it is to have our families, our children, our jobs, our homes…whatever it is, you fill in the blank; and it doesn’t matter if we are not in the exact place in life that we envision ourselves to be. Whatever place life has us, let’s take Jesus’ advice and “be of good cheer.”

So, in this season of Thanksgiving, take inventory of your life. List all of the good that you can, and give God thanks. For the not so good things, know that God has overcome them and still give Him thanks for doing that for us. Don’t let the trouble in life rob us of the joy the good in life brings.

16 days of rain + dirt + four-year old = one big mess!
Four-year old in muddy pumpkin patch + parent watching = JOY!

I thank God for it.

fear based parenting

I am obviously not a good blogger. I have about six or seven blog entries on this site…so I am lacking in the area of “blogg-i-ness.” This is just backwards to me because if you ask my family and friends, I am never in lack of having something to say. So, I don’t know what the problem is. LOL – I’m going to commit to do better.

Well, I am reading this book called Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel (order a copy of Grace Based Parenting here). I have not finished it, but it is ministering to my soul right now. If you don’t know, I am a parent of a four year old boy (Eddie, IV or “Quad”) and a two year old daughter (Kendall will be two on October 11th). Quad has been my “easy” kid for almost all of his life. Very laid back, very low key, easy going like his dad, sweet, gentle and loving. Recently, however, he has entered into a stage that I am unfamiliar with. Stubborn beyond belief, disrespectful, disobedient, defiant…I am telling you this is unchartered territory for me. Kendall has spent her second year of life showing me that not all kids are low key and laid back and SHE previously held the title of the “challenging” one, but lately, her 2-year old antics have been preferred to her brother’s…(LOL).

So, Eddie and I have taken to prayer, the Word and study on how we can serve our son during this trying time. We believe God for the wisdom and grace for ALL of us – the entire family – to navigate through this time. But I must confess, there is an area in my heart that I have had to deal with in order to trudge through this daily. Fear. Fear that we are not doing this parenting thing right. Fear that there is some outside influence in our son’s life that we are unaware of that is fostering this behavior. Fear that we won’t get through this successfully.

So, as I was reading through this book, I came across this section that I thought I would share with you all. I will never claim to understand what it is like to parent a teenager, and since this is a teen ministry site, I don’t want to ever come across as if I do. But, our prayer is that the revelations that we (Eddie and I) receive as parents transcend the ages of our children and reach far beyond our individual experiences; that God sees each and every need in the lives of the parents and families that read our material. That is my hope today as you read below.

Fear-Based Parenting
We’re scared of Hollywood, the Internet, the public school system, Halloween, the gay community, drugs, alcohol, rock ‘n’ roll, rap, partying neighbors, unbelieving softball teams, liberals, and Santa Claus. Our fears determine our strategy for parenting. I see it everywhere I go. I hear it echo in the back of a parent’s concerns. The moms or dads begin their statement or question to me with the word “I’m afraid of…” When I look at how the standard evangelical family has formatted their strategy for parenting, most often I see fear behind the steering wheel.

If you took all the categories of advice that Jesus gave us in the Gospels, you’d find that the longest list is made up of verses where He says, “Don’t be afraid.” If we have put our faith in Him, we should be the last people afraid of just about anything! Fear-based parenting is the surest way to create intimidated kids. It’s also the surest way to raise Christian kids who either don’t have any passion for lost people, are indifferent to the things of God, or out-and-out rebel against their parents, their church, and the Lord. [End]

OK, so the first thing I have to combat after reading something like this is…FEAR! Oh how my heart’s desire is to not parent in such a way. But, I quickly reined it in and tried to analyze what I had read and make it life applicable for me. Eddie and I are still in a daily pursuit after God’s wisdom for raising our children and walking this season of life out with Quad. I know this is not an abnormal thing for a 4-year old, believe me.

What I also know is that God is faithful to the Mason Family. He will not let us down or let us fall. He will guide us into all truth regarding our children, and He is the ultimate caregiver for them (as well as for Eddie and me). Eddie and I will do what we “can.” God will do what He “must.” But just as God will not let us go, we vow to Quad that we believe in him and will not EVER let him go. If this is how we feel about our son – and Jesus calls our love for Quad evil compared to God’s love for him (Luke 11:11 – 13) – how much more does God want us all to get through this successfully and without the smell of smoke? He is so good to us.

So, the next time I hear the words “NO! I don’t want to!” yelled across the house, I will thank God for the wisdom to respond and for Him helping Quad to be able to effectively express what he apparently so desperately needs to express. How good God is to walk with us through this and never forsake us. There is no need to fear – for God is with me.

low-cost summer activities for students!

Summer is here again and it’s time to figure out what to do with kids. Perhaps you are on a strict budget and you aren’t able to do summer camp this year. Maybe you’ll be foregoing the family vacation. If you have to rely on a family member to watch the kids during the day while you work, this may not be your idea of a productive, activity-filled summer for your child. However, it may be the only option the budget will allow at this time. Just because the kids are at home all day does not mean they have to waste the day away in front of the TV or playing video games. As I begin to think about ways my son can make the most out of his days out of school, I thought I’d share a few ideas with you.

Depending on the age of your student, there are a number of ways kids can stay busy. Maybe you’d like to get their creative juices flowing. Does they enjoy drawing or writing? Why not challenge them to cultivate their interests by creating a portfolio of their artwork. Take them to an arts and crafts store and let them pick out all of the supplies they will need to create a masterpiece they’re sure to treasure for years to come. If they like to write, they can write their own book. Depending on the length of the book they choose to write, this project could span the course of the entire summer. Have them think of a plot, set up the characters and scene setting, and let them imagine away! Your local library also may offer some great summer activities that allow students to explore some of the creative gifts mentioned above.

Got future chefs in your household? What about challenging them to come up with their own culinary creations, and make their own recipe book. With a little imagination and planning, they may even shock themselves with what they come up with.

Younger and older students can benefit from becoming a part of a summer reading program. Most libraries offer them. These programs are designed to help make reading fun. While they are having fun, they are also building their vocabulary, spelling and comprehension skills; learning more about the world around them and becoming leaders.

My family enjoys board games. In addition to being a fun alternative to video or computer games, studies have shown that board games can help develop critical thinking skills. Games such as Chess, Monopoly, Scrabble, Clue, Risk, Trivial Pursuit, and Boggle are a few all time favorites.

Teenagers can benefit hugely from volunteering this summer. Asking your local church, library, or senior living home is a great way for your teenager to give back to their community, and learn the value of giving at the same time. Perhaps your teen is ready to work. Helping them gain a part time job or internship will help them gain the skills and confidence they’ll need as they get ready to move into adulthood.

So as you can see, a productive, fun, inexpensive summer is within reach. Hopefully some of these ideas help to get the ideas flowing and get you and your child on your way to making this summer one to never forget.

key pivot points: planning your life around the priority of parenting

Nineteen months ago from the day I am writing this article, my daughter Kendall was born. She was six weeks premature and weighed only 3.7 pounds. She was a little runt! She had a non-eventful 10-day stay in the NICU before she was sent home. After being home for two weeks, she became very ill and was readmitted into the hospital – this time in the PICU. The doctors prepared me for the possibility that she may stop breathing and had a ventilator standing by. Needless to say, this was a very nerve-wrecking time for my family and I. I wish I could tell you that I was a pillar of unshaken faith, but I desperately needed the prayer and support of strong Christian friends at that time. Thank God for their prayers and intercession.

I remember during that time that I would bring my laptop to the hospital to work – I had lessons to write for the Children’s Ministry at my church that HAD to get done (as far as I was concerned). I remember as my daughter slowly became better, I would leave the hospital to go try and knock out some more work at home (keep in mind I was still on maternity leave). Then, when we thought she was out of the woods, she relapsed, developed pneumonia, and was suspected to have meningitis. The doctors prepped me for her spinal tap…my 3-week old premature baby who should have still been inside me was about to have a spinal tap…my Lord.

Anyway, Kendall, as I stated before, is currently 19-months old – completely healthy and strong with no health issues whatsoever. She did not have to undergo the spinal tap and God truly healed her body allowing her to fully recover. The story of Kendall’s illness and recovery, however WONDERFUL it is to praise God for, is not the point of this article. The point I wanted to draw attention to is the fact that while my daughter was fighting for her life in the ICU, I was personally distracted by work that I felt needed to be done. No one at work was making me do it or even required it of me. It took the doctor coming in the room telling me that they needed to do a spinal tap on my baby before my internal light bulb came on…MY DAUGHTER NEEDED ME…ALL of me!

Now, I am not saying that there is something wrong with passing the time away at the hospital by working (I mean, there really wasn’t anything else for me to do there besides hold her and nurse her when I could, and quite frankly the distraction from anxiety was welcome), but what I am saying is that when you find yourself trying to figure out how to “fit” work into your schedule when you have a loved one in serious need as I did…well, there may be a problem there (LOL!).

God used that time in my life to revolutionize my perspective on motherhood. I used to be the type of mother that fit motherhood into her schedule (sad I know). Now, I have learned to fit everything else (work, ministry, socializing, etc.) around motherhood. There is such a big difference between the two.

Eddie and I have learned that for us, there is a short list of priorities that must serve as our life “pivot points,” meaning that there are certain things that we have identified as priorities and anything else after that can only be a part of our lives if it does not take us away from those “Key Pivot Points.” If we found ourselves drifting from our identified priorities, we could now easily recognize the distraction and make whatever shifts necessary to move it out of our lives. The rule of thumb is, “If it takes us away from our Key Pivot Points, it is not what God has for our lives at this time.”

Everyone’s Key Pivot Points are different and personalized for each individual’s or family’s life season. Right now, at the time of this article, Eddie and I have identified the following as our priorities (in order):

1. Our Relationship with God
2. Our Marriage (our love for, care for, and investment into)
3. Our Children (our love for, care for, and investment into)
4. Our Financial Stability (making sure our base level of functionality is always in tact and that we are moving forward)
5. Our Ministry (making sure we are doing what we believe God has for us to do, but not at the expense of any of the above)

Once we established our Key Pivot Points, we then identified what each of them meant for us as a family or what our goals were in each area. For example, if investment into our children is priority, what does that investment look like? Was it teaching and modeling Biblical character, establishing academic goals, extracurricular activities, and family time? What about financial stability? What was needed to maintain the base level of function for our family as well as to advance us forward? Did we both need to work right now? Was I able to stay home with the kids while they were young? Did Eddie need to work two jobs in order for me to stay at home? Should I pick up a part-time job? These are the types of questions we asked, discussed, and prayed about. We took the time to outline how we defined each pivot point and then made sure all other areas of our lives lined up with what we felt was important.

Everyone’s Key Pivot Points will be different and will most likely alter with time and as God continues to reveal His plans to us for our lives. A family with two parents present may have different priorities than a single parent home. A family with younger children may have different considerations that a family with teenagers. Regardless of the differences, if you are a parent, parenting should always, always, always be a top Key Pivot Point. This may take some creative planning and serious prayer to shift some things that are currently out of place, but God can and will order our steps in order for us to put our children and the desires of our hearts toward them first…and you don’t have to be a stay-at-home mom or dad in order to see the reality of this.

My prayer is that it doesn’t take a near death experience for one of your children before the light bulb comes on for you. The time we have with them is so, so short and we NEVER get it back. The blessings that we receive from them today will be gone tomorrow, but thank God new blessings await us. Don’t let one more day go by without identifying your life priorities, and let God direct your steps regarding your role as a parent in your child’s life.

For Parents – “Intentionally Listen”

I just wanted to post this insert from a book by Jill Savage called “My Heart’s at Home.” I thought it was great.

Proverbs 4:12 (NLT) – If you live a life guided by wisdom, you won’t limp or stumble as you run.

I thank God daily for bringing more and more wisdom to my family as we strive to live this life of faith and see His abundant life for us manifest. Enjoy the passage and post comments.

Intentionally Listen
“Mom, can we talk?” That’s a question most of us long to hear from our kids. It’s hard for a kid to ask that even in the best relational environment, but it’s nearly impossible for them to ask that when they anticipate the response will be a lecture, a dozen ways to solve the problem, or out-and-out anger. As a parent, there are two questions we need to ask ourselves: “Am I a good listener?” and “Am I a safe person to talk to?”

Learning to listen is one of the most important skills in which a parent can grow. How we listen will determine whether a person feels heard, valued, and repsected. Many years ago, four-year-old Austin was telling me a story while I prepared dinner. He sat at the insland in the kitchen while I moved from the refrigerator to the sink to the pantry and back again. As Austin talked, I gave some verbal reponses to let him know I was listening. But that wasn’t enough. Finally, he interrupted his story and said with frustration, “Mom, will you listen to me?” I told him I was listening and even repeated part of the story back to him. He responded with, “No, don’t just listen with your ears. Listen to me with your eyes.” Wow. There’s nothing like a life lesson from your four-year-old.

We can remember the three keys to listening well with three words: Stop, Look, and Listen.

1. STOP everything you are doing and turn your body toward the person talking.

2. LOOK in their eyes to give value and affirmation as they speak.

3. LISTEN intently and refrain from using your mouth except to encourage.

If they are facing a problem that needs to be solved, you might ask, “Are you looking for solutions or do you just need me to listen?” This helps clarify what your spouse or child is looking for from you as they vent. It also makes you a better listener and makes them feel you are a safe person to talk to. [end]

I just thought this was a powerful section of the book. It’s pretty simple, but even as I type this blog, my 3.5 year old walked up to me upset because he couldn’t find his toy school bus. I addressed his concern without even breaking my type…I still have a lot to learn, huh?

tips for the single parent

There was a time when single parenting was the exception and not the norm. According to the U.S Census Bureau single-mother families increased from 3 million in 1970 to 10 million in 2003, while the number of single-father families grew from less than half a million to 2 million. (www.focusas.com). So it is very likely that you know, may be, or may have been a single parent. Parenting is not an easy job, let alone parenting alone.

I know because I myself am a single parent. But like any task where you want to yield excellent results, you have to arm yourself with the tools and resources needed to help you through.

As your children enter the teenage years, the job of single parenting may seem overwhelming and frightening. Our children are faced with so many challenges and it might feel as if you are unable to meet the ever increasing demands that parenting them brings. Be encouraged. You can be a successful parent. It is God’s desire to help you, and it’s His desire to bless our children. Isaiah 44:3 says I will pour water on him who is thirsty, and floods on the dry ground; I will pour My Spirit on your descendents and my blessing on your offspring.

Focus Adolescent Services provided the following tips and instruction regarding single parenting:

Single parents say they have been successful when they have
• optimistic attitudes about themselves and the future
• people to turn to for support and in times of emergencies
• open channels of communication
• time to relax
• agreeable, supportive relationships with family and former partner
• firm rules and standards for their children
• financial or job security
• friendly neighbors and caring teachers
• reliable child care
• knowledge about where to go for help
If you become a single parent when your children are teenagers, extra problems may arise. Teenagers often feel betrayed, rejected, or ashamed when the family breaks up or when there is change in the family structure.

Teenagers may become overwhelmed and overburdened by household responsibilities and younger child care. They may resent the change in their lifestyle. They may feel caught in the middle and develop a cynical attitude towards marriage and relationships. What You Can Do

You can offset the extra stressors that come with a single-parent family by intentionally creating a home that is secure, stable, and loving.

Here are some things you can do:

Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your body, mind, soul, and spirit. If you don’t take care of yourself, you put extra strain on your relationships and your body. Get rest, exercise, develop healthy eating habits, and find time for spiritual nourishment.

Build a community of friends, co-workers, church members, support groups, and other single parents. It’s okay to be single as long as you’re not alone. Don’t hesitate to ask for their help. Allow others to lift you up when you are down, overwhelmed, hurting, or in crisis.

Let your child know that you love him or her, both in words and action. Recognize your child’s efforts and the good things he or she does. Reassure your child, at every possible opportunity, that he or she is a unique, valuable, and loveable person — and expect the best. Love your child unconditionally.

Set a good example by being a person of integrity so that your child will trust you and can model your behavior. Show your child that you stay true to your principles and beliefs. If you want to teach your child honesty, tell the truth. If you want to teach self-reliance, be responsible for your own actions. If you want to teach your child justice and mercy, live by the Golden Rule. Be your child’s role model.

Talk with your teen about choices, boundaries, and the values of your family. Spiritual beliefs and underlying principles will direct, guide, and strengthen your family.

Involve your child in decision-making and establishing family rules and consequences. When you set the family rules, take the time to explain your decision, and be sure to follow through.

Develop routines and family traditions and rituals. Routines such as eating dinner together at a certain time, special times for homework and chores, and regular bedtimes offer stability through prioritizing. Traditions and rituals such as attending religious services together, birthdays, holiday celebrations, family reunions, and Sunday dinner conveys family identity and can give meaning through the generations.

Spend time with your child each day. Your child needs your undivided attention. Set aside a special time together. You can provide a listening ear, words of encouragement, and share fun activities.

Don’t overindulge your child. Happiness and loving relationships cannot be bought. Parents who are generous with material possessions, allow too much freedom, and provide too much help do not let their children learn how to balance privilege with responsibility. Overindulged children are often immature, self-centered, angry, spoiled, narcissistic, lack motivation, and have self-control problems.

Don’t take your anger, anxieties, frustrations, or personal problems out on your child. Anger is physically, emotionally, and relationally damaging. Watch your own words and make sure you’re not belittling your child but rather building him or her up. Make sure your child feels comfortable approaching you and expressing his or her feelings.

Don’t say negative things about the other parent or force your teen to take sides. Your child has the right to love both parents without guilt or disapproval.

Don’t confide too much of your personal life — you are the parent, not your child’s buddy, and your child is not your confidant.

Remember that there is no thing as a perfect parent. Everyone makes mistakes and has problems. Acknowledge your own mistakes, handle them with maturity, and learn from them. In this way, you can overcome your problems, deal with issues, change situations, and show your child your strength and character.

Taunya Kennedy

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