Examples Family – Strengthening Families and the Ministries that Serve Them!

Visit us at www.ExamplesFamily.org.

Examples Family Ministries is the arm of Examples Ministries, Inc. that exists to serve one purpose, to strengthen the entire family – Mothers, Fathers, Husbands, Wives, Children and Youth. By offering a variety of equipping resources and biblical insight, we strive to provide individuals and families, from all walks of life, with tools that will assist them in growing personally and investing their faith in God in others.

Vision and Mission of Examples Family Ministries

Titus 2:1 – 8 (MSG)

Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives. But mostly, show them all this by doing it yourself, incorruptible in your teaching, your words solid and sane. Then anyone who is dead set against us, when he finds nothing weird or misguided, might eventually come around.

Our mission is to provide Families, Parents, Children’s Ministry Leaders, Youth Ministry Leaders, Ministries and Organizations with resources, information, teaching, and training that empower them to:

1. Grow in faith.
2. Strengthen families.
3. Impart their faith in God and His Word to their children and others.
4. Develop and strengthen programming within their ministries, organizations and communities in order to do all of the above.

Examples Family currently has the following areas of ministry focus:

• Children’s Ministry Resources – provides information and resources to support churches in their Children’s Ministry efforts and in their connection to the families that they serve.
   
• XYM (Examples Youth Ministries) – provides information and resources to support churches and youth organizations in their efforts to reach youth grades 6th – 12th and their parents.
   
• Mother’s Ministry – provides information, resources, assistance, and encouragement to mothers from all walks of life. Provides resources for churches and organizations to develop and maintain mom’s groups that desire to provide encouragement, equipping, information, natural and spiritual support for mothers; ultimately equipping mothers to impart their faith to their children and serve their families in motherhood. We also provide information and workshops designed to further equip leaders of mothers groups as well workshops for mothers and families.
   
• Parenting Ministry – provides information and resources for equipping parents in their role of “parenting” and imparting their faith to their children.
   
• Marriage Ministry – provides natural and Biblical information and resources to help strengthen marriages.
   
• Outreach – Works to provide resources, training, time, skills, or whatever is needed to assist individuals or families in need; either nationally or internationally. This can take on many forms; either partnering with existing organizations or creating our own outreach opportunity.

recruiting the right youth leaders

I recently helped out with some recruiting efforts at my church for youth ministry.  I assist in Family Ministries there and recently just did a three-week push for children’s ministry recruitment and received a total of 17 new volunteers in one recruitment effort (email me here if you want to know how it happened!).  During the effort, we were able to explain exactly what areas of ministry we needed assistance with and prepared position descriptions to let people know exactly what the volunteer position entailed.  All the position descriptions were custom made to supply our children’s ministry with what we currently need to achieve more maximization of our vision and serve our children and their families well (and better in some circumstances).  For a sample of our children’s ministry position descriptions, shoot me an email and I can send you a few.  Coming in March, we will be launching our Examples Family website which will have a section dedicated to Children’s Ministry and items like this for you to download freely and use for your ministry. 

Anyway, as the e-mails began to fly around preparing for this next attempt to recruit for youth ministry, I began to wonder about youth ministry positions - are our current positions tailor made for our ministry and what we needed?  It reminded me of a question a Youth Ministry Director sent me a few weeks ago after reading an article on our site called “Relational Youth Ministry – Leader Communication with Parents.”    See the question below:

I would like to hear some more suggestions related to this article. We have horrible troubles with communicating to parents even though we do all of the things suggested above. We’ve tried mailing letters, and they say they never get them. We try e-mailing multiple times about everything we do, but parents still act oblivious to what’s happening in the youth group. I really don’t have time to call each parent in the youth group individually for every event. We’re just not sure what to do about this problem.

Well, the problem she describes is definitely not uncommon when working in youth ministry.  A couple of things come to mind when I consider her issue:

1. She may need another hand or two to help out in her youth ministry…or at minimum have her current leaders, if she has the luxury of having leaders on her team, take on additional responsibility to assist her.

2. Maybe creating a position called “Parent Connections Coordinator” could help in directing a new or current volunteer on this specific need and how to go about meeting it.  Just think about it – having one person dedicated to building relationships between the parent and the youth ministry…especially in a smaller church (1 – 500 members is what I’m thinking) – this could potentially go a long way and be very effective.

The volunteer positions that you create don’t have to be ones that are common to other youth ministries.  Drama Coordinator, Small Groups Leader, Jr. High Coordinator, Game Room Supervisor, Alter Worker, etc…all of these are definitely positions that volunteers can fill.  But when you have a specific need, and no extra hands to help meet it, then recruiting may be in order…and having a description to explain your specific need can help you find just the right volunteer match as well as let them know exactly what they are committing to.

Here is a sample position description template for you to use for reference when creating yours.  This is a position we created specifically for what we need here at XYM.  If you have any other questions regarding developing position descriptions and recruting, feel free to comment below!

Position Description – Entertainment/Youth Culture Researcher

 

if He trusted mary…

Luke 2: 1 – 7 (AMP)

¹In those days it occurred that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that the whole Roman empire should be registered.

²This was the first enrollment, and it was made when Quirinius was governor of Syria.

³And all the people were going to be registered, each to his own city or town.

⁴And Joseph also went up from Galilee from the town of Nazareth to Judea, to the town of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David,

⁵To be enrolled with Mary, his espoused (married) wife, who was about to become a mother.

⁶And while they were there, the time came for her delivery,

⁷And she gave birth to her Son, her Firstborn; and she wrapped Him in swaddling clothes and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room or place for them in the inn.

A few days ago, I heard a story depicting Mary and Joseph’s, as in parents of Jesus, journey to Bethlehem for the census when she was pregnant with Jesus.  It was the first time I ever really considered what Mary went through on that trip or what Joseph may have been feeling.  Think about it – Mary was nine months pregnant and went on what was probably about an 11-day trip on a donkey!  I can’t even imagine going on a road trip in a car for 11 days if I was nine months pregnant!  Just thinking about the discomforts I had when I was in my last trimester…my goodness.  This was not an easy trip for her.

Can you imagine what Joseph was going through?  The woman he loved and was responsible for was exhausted and uncomfortable.  He didn’t have a bed for her to sleep in during the nights.  He didn’t have the comforts from home that could ease her during their travels.  When she went into labor, did he lose it?  Was he frantic and feeling helpless???  I imagine all he could do is his best to find a safe place for her to deliver and do his best to help and provide for her.  That had to have been hard for him.

Now, try to imagine the whole cave scene where Jesus was born.  I already have trouble thinking about natural child birth with no meds!  Mary was surrounded by animals and their excretions, outdoors, and probably laid on the ground while giving birth (maybe she had some hay to lay on I don’t know!).  Bottom line, this was a less than ideal place for her to be, but she got through it and all went well.

When I heard the story, I was like, whoa…I don’t know if I could have done that.  I don’t know if I could have gone through all of those discomforts and hard times.  I’m sure Mary had her doubts at times too, but…God chose her to carry and bare His Son.  He knew Mary would take care of herself while pregnant.  He knew that she would make sound decisions about her body during the delivery.  He also knew that Joseph would have the wisdom, ability, and provisions to take care of her and Jesus.  He trusted them with His only Son.  What a big deal.

After pondering this entire ordeal, I believe the Holy Spirit whispered these words to me, “Hey, I trust you too.”  What???  Wow.  God has put His trust in Eddie and I to care for the two children He has blessed us with.  When things get hard and uncomfortable, He is saying, “I trust you.  I trust you with two of my prized possessions.  Care for them.  Keep and protect them.  Teach and discipline them.  Love them well.”  God has given us all of the wisdom, ability and anointing necessary to raise our children from infants to adulthood.  Just as Mary and Joseph got through that very rough journey, we can get through our very rough journeys in life with our children as we trust and rely on God to lead us.

What peace I have knowing that I don’t have to fear that I am incapable of being a parent.  It’s one of the only jobs you get where there is no orientation prior to getting started.  All of it is on the job training.  So because of this, God has implanted in our Spirits the ability to successfully rear our children as He watchfully and faithfully orders our steps.

So I admonish you today.  If your journey happens to be rough during this season of life, take courage.  God has not left you stranded, just like He did not leave Mary and Joseph stranded with Jesus.  He has equipped you for this occupation and you can do it; and not just get by with the minimum effort, but you can do it well.  The God of Mary and Joseph, the Father of our Lord Jesus, is with you.

FOR PARENTS – thank God for the mud!

Recently I went on a field trip with my son Quad and his pre-school class to the pumpkin patch. Just to give you some sort of an idea of what this trip was like; it had rained almost every day the prior 16 days…so to describe that place as muddy is a vast understatement. It was sooooo MUDDY! There was not one place we could step without our feet sinking into squishy, mushy grass and mud. I honestly don’t think I have ever been somewhere (on purpose) that had that much mud. LOL!

Well, it probably goes without saying that a class full of four-year olds thought that this was the absolute best place to be. My son, even without a pair of goulashes on, splashed in every mud puddle, visited every muddy farm animal pen, ran multiple times through the muddy hay maze, climbed a huge, soggy wood chip hill (and ran down it countless times), rode the muddy hay ride (where we were warned that the tractor may get stuck), and let’s not forget, picked a muddy pumpkin. He had a ball and I truly had a blast playing with and watching him.

While there, however, I overheard some comments from a few other parents. One warned me as I walked in, “It is too muddy to have the kids here!” Another said, “This is just ridiculous!” Many complained about the mess their children were – mud-splattered coats, shoes soaked through to their socks, pant cuffs turning from blue to dark brown (believe me, you can forget about the cuffs of their pants!). So many chaperoning parents (from other schools I must add – not our wonderful pre-school!) were disappointed in the condition the pumpkin patch was in and the brown blurs their children were becoming. I was unsure how to respond to them; I mean I was quite enjoying watching Quad splash and run in the mud. I splashed and ran with him as a matter of fact. My perspective was quite different – I had never been on a field trip with my child before and with this being his last year before going to school, I was so thankful to have the freedom in my schedule to go with him. It was SUCH a joy and I was so blessed for it.

Now, I’m not writing to talk about how unthankful these “other” parents were about being at the pumpkin patch with their child. On the contrary, listening to these other parents complain actually made me repent about all of the things in my life I took for granted but needed to be thankful for. For example, I relocated to Chicago from Florida and every since I have been here, I have complained about the weather. How much better would it be for God’s ears if I thanked Him for giving me the opportunity to live in the same city as my parents and sisters? Another example (I could go on an on folks…): when we moved here to Chicago, we moved into a small two bedroom condo which was probably less than half the size of our three bedroom home in Florida. Oh, hear me when I say I complained about that one! Once again, how much better would it have been for me to thank God for allowing us to live in that condo rent free for almost two years!

I know there are a lot of things that happen in our lives that are crappy…or even tragic for that matter. The Bible tells us the following:

John 16:33 (AMP)
In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration;

Trouble is a part of life. We all know what it is and we have all experienced it. There is nothing good or joyful about going through trouble. Whether it is in our finances, our relationships, with our children…trouble ain’t fun.

But, the last part of this verse says this:

…but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]

Because Jesus has overcome the world and the trouble this world brings, there really is no circumstance or situation that I come across that I cannot give God thanks in…because according to this verse Jesus has deprived it of power…and in the end I win. This is applicable even with whatever you may be going through with your teenager. Isn’t it wonderful to know that no matter what it is, the power satan would like to give to it has been taken away by our Lord? Wow. That should minimize your issue down to itty bitty when you look at it like that.

When you look at life through these eyes, not only does a muddy pumpkin patch and dirty four-year old kid not disturb you, the other nuisances of life should be small in our sight as well. What a blessing it is to have our families, our children, our jobs, our homes…whatever it is, you fill in the blank; and it doesn’t matter if we are not in the exact place in life that we envision ourselves to be. Whatever place life has us, let’s take Jesus’ advice and “be of good cheer.”

So, in this season of Thanksgiving, take inventory of your life. List all of the good that you can, and give God thanks. For the not so good things, know that God has overcome them and still give Him thanks for doing that for us. Don’t let the trouble in life rob us of the joy the good in life brings.

16 days of rain + dirt + four-year old = one big mess!
Four-year old in muddy pumpkin patch + parent watching = JOY!

I thank God for it.

fear based parenting

I am obviously not a good blogger. I have about six or seven blog entries on this site…so I am lacking in the area of “blogg-i-ness.” This is just backwards to me because if you ask my family and friends, I am never in lack of having something to say. So, I don’t know what the problem is. LOL – I’m going to commit to do better.

Well, I am reading this book called Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel (order a copy of Grace Based Parenting here). I have not finished it, but it is ministering to my soul right now. If you don’t know, I am a parent of a four year old boy (Eddie, IV or “Quad”) and a two year old daughter (Kendall will be two on October 11th). Quad has been my “easy” kid for almost all of his life. Very laid back, very low key, easy going like his dad, sweet, gentle and loving. Recently, however, he has entered into a stage that I am unfamiliar with. Stubborn beyond belief, disrespectful, disobedient, defiant…I am telling you this is unchartered territory for me. Kendall has spent her second year of life showing me that not all kids are low key and laid back and SHE previously held the title of the “challenging” one, but lately, her 2-year old antics have been preferred to her brother’s…(LOL).

So, Eddie and I have taken to prayer, the Word and study on how we can serve our son during this trying time. We believe God for the wisdom and grace for ALL of us – the entire family – to navigate through this time. But I must confess, there is an area in my heart that I have had to deal with in order to trudge through this daily. Fear. Fear that we are not doing this parenting thing right. Fear that there is some outside influence in our son’s life that we are unaware of that is fostering this behavior. Fear that we won’t get through this successfully.

So, as I was reading through this book, I came across this section that I thought I would share with you all. I will never claim to understand what it is like to parent a teenager, and since this is a teen ministry site, I don’t want to ever come across as if I do. But, our prayer is that the revelations that we (Eddie and I) receive as parents transcend the ages of our children and reach far beyond our individual experiences; that God sees each and every need in the lives of the parents and families that read our material. That is my hope today as you read below.

Fear-Based Parenting
We’re scared of Hollywood, the Internet, the public school system, Halloween, the gay community, drugs, alcohol, rock ‘n’ roll, rap, partying neighbors, unbelieving softball teams, liberals, and Santa Claus. Our fears determine our strategy for parenting. I see it everywhere I go. I hear it echo in the back of a parent’s concerns. The moms or dads begin their statement or question to me with the word “I’m afraid of…” When I look at how the standard evangelical family has formatted their strategy for parenting, most often I see fear behind the steering wheel.

If you took all the categories of advice that Jesus gave us in the Gospels, you’d find that the longest list is made up of verses where He says, “Don’t be afraid.” If we have put our faith in Him, we should be the last people afraid of just about anything! Fear-based parenting is the surest way to create intimidated kids. It’s also the surest way to raise Christian kids who either don’t have any passion for lost people, are indifferent to the things of God, or out-and-out rebel against their parents, their church, and the Lord. [End]

OK, so the first thing I have to combat after reading something like this is…FEAR! Oh how my heart’s desire is to not parent in such a way. But, I quickly reined it in and tried to analyze what I had read and make it life applicable for me. Eddie and I are still in a daily pursuit after God’s wisdom for raising our children and walking this season of life out with Quad. I know this is not an abnormal thing for a 4-year old, believe me.

What I also know is that God is faithful to the Mason Family. He will not let us down or let us fall. He will guide us into all truth regarding our children, and He is the ultimate caregiver for them (as well as for Eddie and me). Eddie and I will do what we “can.” God will do what He “must.” But just as God will not let us go, we vow to Quad that we believe in him and will not EVER let him go. If this is how we feel about our son – and Jesus calls our love for Quad evil compared to God’s love for him (Luke 11:11 – 13) – how much more does God want us all to get through this successfully and without the smell of smoke? He is so good to us.

So, the next time I hear the words “NO! I don’t want to!” yelled across the house, I will thank God for the wisdom to respond and for Him helping Quad to be able to effectively express what he apparently so desperately needs to express. How good God is to walk with us through this and never forsake us. There is no need to fear – for God is with me.

i just want God to meet us there…

I just came out of prayer a few minutes ago.  Eddie, the team and I have been preparing for our upcoming student ministry event this Saturday.  We do our best to keep the cost low for our events in order to offer them for free, but we don’t want to skimp on quality either…so we work hard to put together something for the youth and the adults and pray for God to breath on it – expand it and make it grow.

My heart is so full tonight.  I know God is so real and so good to me, to my family.  Right now our life is simple, nothing extravagant, but peace rules in our home even in our simplicity.  I know this peace reigns because our hearts are so inclined towards Him and His will and He is so faithful to us…we just want to be pleasing to Him and do His work.  Nothing else truly matters but Him.

As I sit here preparing to work a couple hours more before turning in, I begin to consider those that may attend our event.  Oh how I want them to leave blessed, encouraged, a new person in God.  I just want God to use us, our team, Eddie, myself, our guest speaker to the youth, to serve and minister to the people.  I want the information to be relevant and timely.  I want the worship to be filled with God’s glorious presence.  Oh how I just want God to meet us there…

No matter who shows up on Saturday, know that Examples is prepared to serve you with all of our hearts.  We don’t claim to have all of the answers to anything, but we will be faithful over that which God has given us and pour it into you.  If you are a student, youth leader, parent of a teen, or just a “someone,” I hope you can join us.  I believe God will be faithful once again and His anointing will meet us there…

For Parents – “Intentionally Listen”

I just wanted to post this insert from a book by Jill Savage called “My Heart’s at Home.” I thought it was great.

Proverbs 4:12 (NLT) – If you live a life guided by wisdom, you won’t limp or stumble as you run.

I thank God daily for bringing more and more wisdom to my family as we strive to live this life of faith and see His abundant life for us manifest. Enjoy the passage and post comments.

Intentionally Listen
“Mom, can we talk?” That’s a question most of us long to hear from our kids. It’s hard for a kid to ask that even in the best relational environment, but it’s nearly impossible for them to ask that when they anticipate the response will be a lecture, a dozen ways to solve the problem, or out-and-out anger. As a parent, there are two questions we need to ask ourselves: “Am I a good listener?” and “Am I a safe person to talk to?”

Learning to listen is one of the most important skills in which a parent can grow. How we listen will determine whether a person feels heard, valued, and repsected. Many years ago, four-year-old Austin was telling me a story while I prepared dinner. He sat at the insland in the kitchen while I moved from the refrigerator to the sink to the pantry and back again. As Austin talked, I gave some verbal reponses to let him know I was listening. But that wasn’t enough. Finally, he interrupted his story and said with frustration, “Mom, will you listen to me?” I told him I was listening and even repeated part of the story back to him. He responded with, “No, don’t just listen with your ears. Listen to me with your eyes.” Wow. There’s nothing like a life lesson from your four-year-old.

We can remember the three keys to listening well with three words: Stop, Look, and Listen.

1. STOP everything you are doing and turn your body toward the person talking.

2. LOOK in their eyes to give value and affirmation as they speak.

3. LISTEN intently and refrain from using your mouth except to encourage.

If they are facing a problem that needs to be solved, you might ask, “Are you looking for solutions or do you just need me to listen?” This helps clarify what your spouse or child is looking for from you as they vent. It also makes you a better listener and makes them feel you are a safe person to talk to. [end]

I just thought this was a powerful section of the book. It’s pretty simple, but even as I type this blog, my 3.5 year old walked up to me upset because he couldn’t find his toy school bus. I addressed his concern without even breaking my type…I still have a lot to learn, huh?

Our Sovereign God

Wow – It has been a minute since I have posted a blog. Busy with ministry, kids, husband…life period I suppose. I must say that other than being with my family, working with Examples brings me the most peace and joy. I believe I have found what God has destined me to do. What a blessing to have that in my life.

This week has been a really rough week. This past Saturday, a dear family at my church lost their 21-month old daughter in a horrible car accident in their driveway. Then, three days later, I lost a dear friend of mine (a friend since my high school days) to…well…I am not even sure how and why she died. She was 40.5 weeks pregnant, due to deliver any day, and something went horribly wrong. She ended up losing the baby and then she passed a few hours later. Tragic and sad to say the least.

There are so many questions that swirl in people’s heads in regards to the what’s and why’s of what happened in both scenarios. Both situations are just about as horrible as it can get – I mean, I just cannot imagine living without either one of my children (my daughter is 17-months old at the time of this post, so this is such a “hitting home” situation). In the midst of the questions and confusion, I do have some certainties that I hold on to as I live this life of faith:

1. Satan is the one that comes to kill, steal and destroy. Not our loving God. It was not His intent for any of this to happen.

2. What Satan may have meant for bad, God can make good. He is the One that turns mourning into dancing again.

3. In this world we may have trouble, but we can be of good cheer, Jesus has overcome the world.

4. Our lives are redeemed from destruction and angels are encamped around about my life and the lives of my family keeping us safe from harm and danger.

5. God is sovereign and His ways are so much higher than ours.

This is where my faith is. I have to believe the Word is true for my life and my family’s life despite the horrible, horrible things that happen in this world. I can’t explain any of it, but I know what is true for my home and where my faith is for my family. Without it, I am certain that I would be overcome with fear and worry – and there is NO way I could effectively walk in line with God and in His perfect will for me with that in my life.

So, what am I saying? I am saying that although I know that there are horrible situations that happen to us, God’s Word will forever be true. He is a good God, and His desires for us are good. His plans for us are good. And despite the evil the world has to offer, He is and forever will be Lord. EVERY knee will eventually bow and confess this.

I have made Him my Lord over the safety and protection of my family, and there is where my peace remains…and there is where all of our faith should be.

Thank you Father.

comments on the playa’s book

the playa’s book youth event

Hey Everyone!!!

I am SOOO excited to announce our next youth event,

“The Playa’s Book: What Rules do the Playa’s Play By?”

Saturday, December 13, 6:30PM

This event is designed to give youth information on:

What guys are really saying about girls behind their back.

What girls are really feeling about the guys they like.

We have a lot of GOOOOD information we would like to present and we have a panel discussion planned that will include all of the youth in the room – we want to know your thoughts and feedback as well.

Our heart is for each and every teen, youth leader, and parent to leave feeling empowered to deal with some of the social issues that teens face every day. Teens don’t just decide one day out of the blue to “hook up” with someone and not every boy starts out wanting to “get some” from a girl. How does it get to that point? What do you do once it does get there? Well, we want to EMPOWER YOUTH to make good, God decisions in this area without the fear of social disaster, embarressment, and rejection from peers.

It’s going to be a powerful, insightful event. We have a wonderful speaker flying in all the way from Florida and an AWESOME panel of ministers and youth leaders ready to invest into each and every person that walks through the doors. Click on “Events” on the left side menu for more details and to download a flyer. Oh, and did I mention one of the teens will walk away with a new iPod Shuffle…

Examples hopes to see you there. Register for the event on the left to let us know you are stopping by!

Deanna

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