is it okay to date a non-christian? (lesson)

There are many things that I believe the Bible gives very clear instructions on, but at the same time gives room for “heart intent” and grace for limited understanding and times of personal growth and maturity in the Word. The subject of this lesson, I believe, falls into this category.

1. No Communion with Unbelievers

Let’s start by looking at 2 Corinthians 6:14.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in
common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

The word yoked means to be “joined” together or to be “attached.”

When people fellowship or when you have a “communion”, there is some type of common association in which an “exchange” of some sort is happening.

Here are a few types of words used to describe fellowship and communion:

Share, community, association, joint participation…here are some deep ones…intimacy, intercourse (Oooo…)

Based on these words, this scripture is basically asking us:
“How can two people that are unequal have a true, intimate relationship?”

We are not saying that one person is better than the other. That’s not what this means.

It’s asking, “How can two people who believe differently, have different values and morals have an effective relationship”?

If you have made a decision to live a life according to God’s Word, it’s important that you do your best to put people in your life that have decided the same. If not, you may have a harder time, maybe even impossible time, trying to live a life pleasing to God and one filled with His blessings. You also will open your life up to a boat load of conflicts, arguments, disagreements, and DRAMA. From how to spend your money, how to raise your kids, how to resolve issues…when one person wants to do the Word and the other can care less about doing the Word…you get my drift. The Bible tells us that two people living like this CANNOT do any of the above effectively:

Amos 3:3 (New Living Translation)
Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?

1 Corinthians 6:15 (New Living Translation)
What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?

After reading this, it should be pretty clear what the Word of God instructs in regards to being in a romantic relationship with someone that does not confess Jesus as Lord AND does not desire to live according to the Word.

The answer is: We should not do it!

2. I Know People That Are Married but Only One Spouse is Saved…What About Them?

There are many, many circumstances where a couple is married and one person is saved and the other person isn’t.

This could happen for a number of reasons:
1. Neither were saved when they got married, but one became saved after the fact.
2. The saved partner didn’t know any better (regarding what the Word says) at the time they got married.
3. The saved partner really didn’t care that the other person was not saved and married them anyway.

Whatever the reasons are, God in His infinite wisdom has made allowances in His Word for this and has given the saved partner instructions on how to apply the Word:

1 Corinthians 7:12 – 15
12 Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a Christian man has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 13 And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. 14 For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. 15 (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.)

God also gives instructions on how a saved spouse can lead an unsaved spouse to Christ:

1 Peter 3:1 – 2
1 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.

Even though this scripture is talking to wives, the principle of living a godly life in front of your spouse applies to husbands as well in order for them to lead their unsaved wives to God.

In one area of the Word, God is clearly instructing us to not join ourselves in close relationships (like courting and marriage) with unbelievers, but also shows us how to live if we end up in a marriage with someone that does not believe the Word. God is so good to us.

3. What This is NOT Saying

OK, just to make some things clear, let’s outline a couple of things that this these scriptures are NOT saying:

a. They are not saying that you have a choice to enter into “either” a relationship with a Christian or one with a non-Christian.

Yes, ultimately it is our own choice and free will to do what we want to do, but the Word is instructing us on the best way to enter into a relationship, while also extending grace to those that did not enter into a relationship the best way.

b. They are not saying that a relationship will not work out if you don’t follow instruction #1.

On the contrary, God wants His goodness in our lives and has done all that He can to ensure we experience His goodness, even in our missteps.

Some may have parents that are not both saved. Life can still be good – for both them and for you.

Either application of the Word explained above will produce God’s goodness for all involved. One path may be a bit more challenging than the other, but good nevertheless.

Lesson Downloads
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caress thirus – june student spotlight winner

Reading while still wearing diapers: Impressive.
Being 16 years old with an Associates Degree: Quite Impressive.
Knowing God reigns first in your life: PRICELESS!

Caress Monet Thirus is a teenager on the move – heading to Roosevelt University in the fall and already planning to be a Dean’s List honoree. And while being young, talented and driven, she never forgets that her wit and strength come from a higher power.

“God has blessed me and my parents in such a way that I was an advanced student,” Caress says. “He allowed me to be reading by one, and I began first grade around the age of 2 or 3. Thankfully, I never fell behind.”

Caress never fell behind because she kept going forward. “I’ve never had a summer off,” she says laughing, “but it was worth it!” While her peers were preparing for a high school graduation, Caress was earning a Liberal Arts degree at Prairie State College.

Now, she’s focused on early childhood education. Once Caress finishes at Roosevelt, she’ll be qualified to teach children from birth to third grade. She also plans to do far more than studying before earning her bachelors degree.

“I am currently working on starting a Christian youth group in my subdivision,” Caress said. “I also want to learn to play guitar and piano because I’d love to be an established music artist.”

And just incase the music scene falls flat, Caress is already thinking of a “Plan B.” She intends to spend more time working with children this year. “I’d love to own a daycare center one day,” Caress adds.

Shockingly, underneath this innovative and mature spirit, Caress sometimes reminds people that she’s just a teenager. She enjoys watching kid shows and reality TV. She also loves pizza and the color aqua blue.

Still, her parents, Zane and Wynde Thirus have a right to be in awe of their daughter. Her favorite scripture is Jeremiah 29:11 where the Lord says: “I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not to abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (The Message Translation) ”

“It always helps me to put my trust in God and to forget about my circumstances,” Caress says. “It’s like my life story.”

Congratulations Caress on being our XYM Student Spotlight!

examples student spotlight nomination form

Do you have an outstanding student in your youth group that you think deserves some extra recognition?
Has your teen done something outstanding that you think others should know about?
Do you know of a student that has done something outstanding and you would like to share it?

Examples wants to know!
Each month Examples will spotlight a student nominated by a youth/ministry leader, parent, friend, or other adult in our newsletter, FB page, and website in order to share with others their achievement. Whether it be academic, athletic, ministry oriented, something outstanding at home, artistic, whatever – we want to know about it!

Examples will chose a winner each month from those submitted and that student will receive the following:
1. $15.00 i-Tunes Gift Card
2. (1) Youth Ministry Resource (a book or resource of our choice)
3. $10 Gift Certificate to a fast food restaurant of their choice

At the end of the year, one student will be chosen to win our grand prize to be announced later in the year.

How do you nominate your student?
Complete the form below and include the following:
1. Your Name
2. The Student’s Name
3. Where the student is from
4. Church Name/Youth Group Name (if applicable)
5. How to contact you
6. Description of why your student should be our Student Spotlight

That’s it!

Nominate your student NOW!

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‘Note To God’: Charice releases first single

Jennifer Hudson made “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” her trademark. So it can take a whole lot of guts to be just 15 years old and publically attempt to sing the song on the Ellen DeGeneres show.

But Charice Pempengco didn’t need guts – she’s got unspeakable talent.
As soon as Charice opened her mouth on Ellen’s show in December 2007, she proved that her vocals were as strong as the beat of the drum and a destiny was being fulfilled.

The now 17-year-old wonder appeared on the Oprah Show to perform her first U.S. single, “Note to God.” The song was released on May 18, and hit No.2 on Amazon’s MP3 Downloads Bestsellers and Hot New Releases the next day. The song even surpassed Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb” and Beyonce’s “Halo,” according to the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

When Oprah asked the teen how it felt to sing her new song, Charice fought back tears.

“I’m about to cry because I was so nervous,” she said smiling. “I felt like I was going to faint because this is really big for me. I sang my first song…my own song…people are going to say that’s Charice’s song.”

There are millions of people saying just that! “Note to God” also ranked No. 9 on the ITunes charts the same week it was released.

The song describes an intimate conversation Charice would have with God if she wrote him a letter. Backed by a powerful choir, Charice prays for God to “helps us find a way,” “give us the strength to make it through… because it seems like so much is going wrong” and “for all the hate to be swept away for love.” And even with the soulful sound of the dozens of older choir members, Charice’s voice still leads the pack by a landslide.

Even though Charice is an international success, times weren’t always so great. The Philippine native began singing in amateur competitions as a child to make money for her family. Barely a toddler, Charice, her mother and younger brother left their father because of domestic abuse. It wasn’t until 2007 where Charice gained worldwide attention on YouTube.

Her album, which was produced by music superstar David Foster, will hit stores in the fall. Charice’s fame continues to grow as she works with big name artists. “Note to God” was written by the legendary Diane Warren, who’s known for Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” and Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart.”

As her appearance wrapped up, Oprah reminded Charice to remain humble with her newfound success. “I hope you keep your feet on the ground,” Oprah said, “even when you’re wearing better shoes.”

by Teresa Sewell

is dating in the bible? (lesson)

Is dating in the Bible? To answer upfront NO.

Dating, by definition, is a fairly new concept to our culture.

Now, as time goes on, new cultural and social practices will continue to be introduced and created.

Things will always be changing in this world we live in and social norms will continue to evolve.

It is because of this, however, that we should cling to what the Word instructs us regarding all areas of our lives so that we don’t stray too far from God’s original intent for His us.

Example:
God created music. He created it for our enjoyment and for His for that matter. The ways we listen to and enjoy music, however, has changed since the beginning of mankind. We are living in a world where we can access music from just about anywhere; the internet, our phones, music videos, downloads, etc. Even though the ease or access, distribution, and creation have changed, God’s original intent has not. The impact music has on and in us has not. Even though God desires for us to enjoy it, He also desires to be glorified in and with music. Also, no matter how music evolves, words will always, ALWAYS have great power.

Proverbs 18: 21 (Message Translation)
Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.

So, no matter how technology advances, the words and lyrics we allow ourselves to listen to will always have the power of death and life in them.

The wisdom from the Word regarding music will always remain constant:
• Guard our hearts with all diligence, for out of our hearts come the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23)
• Evil communication corrupts good manners. (1 Corinthians 15:33)
• Do not be deceived, God is not mocked. Whatever you sow you will reap. (Galatians 6:7)

The point is, no matter how society evolves the truths of the Word do not and will always apply to our lives in some shape or form.

The same is true regarding this whole dating thing.
We have to take the more modern day practice of dating and line it up the best we can with the models set in the Bible in order to get back to God’s original intent.

Matthew 1:18 (New Living Translation)
This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit.

In the King James version, the word that was used instead of engaged was “espoused.”
This word means the following:

1 to woo her and ask her in marriage
2 to be promised in marriage, be betrothed

The word “espoused” implies that there was some type of relationship between Joseph and Mary before they were married.

Joseph, in some way or fashion, “wooed” Mary in order to win her affections.

This is HEALTHY and GODLY. There is nothing wrong with attempting to win over the affections of someone you like. BUT, God designed for this “wooing” to be going on towards the person we are considering for marriage.

We are not talking about casual attractions here.

We are talking about a person we are seriously considering to marry and be a potential parent for our children.

Now that we have a Biblical model, we should desire for our own personal life applications to follow suit.

Every ones own personal life experiences will merit different forms of applicability, but here are some considerations:

1. If you are in a relationship now, is it with someone that you can see yourself marrying?
2. If you are in a relationship now, do you find yourself interested in other people?
3. Do you go out on dates with different people only because you think it is fun to do?
4. Are you even ready to be considering marriage? Financially, in maturity, responsibly, spiritually?
5. Is marriage the farthest thing from your mind right now, but you still like going out alone with people you are attracted to, engage in kissing and other forms of affection with those people without desiring any type of serious commitment?

OK, so take your answers to those questions and then look back to the model of Joseph and Mary. If you are not “wooing” as a result of a desire and readiness for marriage, then you probably need to just hold off on serious relationships right now.

Just that easy, you are lining yourself up with the Word of God and setting yourself up to receive God’s best in this area of your life.

This is the walk of faith.

To sum this all up:
1. Dating is a fairly new concept to our culture.
2. There are no Biblical examples of “dating.”
3. Our desires regarding relationships, regardless of how our society and culture define them, should always strive to be in line with God’s original intent and plan.

Lesson Downloads
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happiness is not just for heaven

Choosing not to sin can potentially make you feel isolated from your peers and make you feel like the “right way” sometimes equals the “lonely way.” People point out that you don’t cuss or wonder why you choose not to blame it on the alcohol. But choosing God’s will for your life instead of Jamie Foxx’s or T-Pain’s way, will always, ALWAYS make up for seeming like the oddball. God will never leave you hanging. Obeying His Word is always worth it. You’ll reap what you sow; which means you’ll live a longer and fuller life. What can beat that? NOTHING CAN!

Deuteronomy 30:19

I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.”

So, when you choose life, NEVER forget that despite your struggle to stay afloat in this world – staying away from the worlds way of doing and being happy – God cares about your happiness. Yes, staying righteous can be difficult, especially for young adults these days — that’s why so many people go astray. However, God wants those who follow Him to enjoy life too and have many blessings right here on earth…you don’t have to wait until heaven to see God’s promises.

Genesis 18:14

God told Sarah she would have a child at 90 years old. And she laughed! But He responded, “Is there anything too hard or too wonderful for the Lord?”

And at her appointed season, God gave barren and old Sarah her precious Isaac – the child she longed for all of her life. So go on and ask Him to bless your studying to pass that math test. Or heal your sick family member. Or don’t even be afraid to ask God to help you fund a trip to the movies with your friends.

Because there is clearly NOTHING your Heavenly Father won’t give you if it lines up with His Word and will for you (timing is always key!). He created ALL things so nothing is too impossible or too small for Him to accomplish in YOUR life.

Psalm 34:10

The young lions lack and suffer hunger ; But those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing.

And don’t be afraid to just ask the Lord to bless you and your future. Creative Recreation and Stilettos weren’t always here with the creation of the earth. Someone had to have a vision and believe that the shoes would sell and become big name companies. So don’t be afraid to ask Him for big requests. What vision does God have for your life? Ask Him so you can receive it. Believing in yourself is one thing, but having God in alignment with your dreams will lead to an amazing life above your imagination.

Look what happened to Jabez when he prayed for big things in 1 Chronicles 4-9:

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested.

NOTE: Be careful not to treat God like a genie who grants “wishes.” He needs for you to do your part too. If you ask Him for money to go out, show Him how appreciative you are obeying what His Word says regarding your money: tithing, giving offerings and alms, and saving the little money you do have. And when you ask Him to bless you in anything, sincerely believe in your heart that He will answer your prayer.

Psalm 37:4 (Amplified Bible)

Delight yourself (be flexible and moldable for God) also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.

tips for the single parent

There was a time when single parenting was the exception and not the norm. According to the U.S Census Bureau single-mother families increased from 3 million in 1970 to 10 million in 2003, while the number of single-father families grew from less than half a million to 2 million. (www.focusas.com). So it is very likely that you know, may be, or may have been a single parent. Parenting is not an easy job, let alone parenting alone.

I know because I myself am a single parent. But like any task where you want to yield excellent results, you have to arm yourself with the tools and resources needed to help you through.

As your children enter the teenage years, the job of single parenting may seem overwhelming and frightening. Our children are faced with so many challenges and it might feel as if you are unable to meet the ever increasing demands that parenting them brings. Be encouraged. You can be a successful parent. It is God’s desire to help you, and it’s His desire to bless our children. Isaiah 44:3 says I will pour water on him who is thirsty, and floods on the dry ground; I will pour My Spirit on your descendents and my blessing on your offspring.

Focus Adolescent Services provided the following tips and instruction regarding single parenting:

Single parents say they have been successful when they have
• optimistic attitudes about themselves and the future
• people to turn to for support and in times of emergencies
• open channels of communication
• time to relax
• agreeable, supportive relationships with family and former partner
• firm rules and standards for their children
• financial or job security
• friendly neighbors and caring teachers
• reliable child care
• knowledge about where to go for help
If you become a single parent when your children are teenagers, extra problems may arise. Teenagers often feel betrayed, rejected, or ashamed when the family breaks up or when there is change in the family structure.

Teenagers may become overwhelmed and overburdened by household responsibilities and younger child care. They may resent the change in their lifestyle. They may feel caught in the middle and develop a cynical attitude towards marriage and relationships. What You Can Do

You can offset the extra stressors that come with a single-parent family by intentionally creating a home that is secure, stable, and loving.

Here are some things you can do:

Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your body, mind, soul, and spirit. If you don’t take care of yourself, you put extra strain on your relationships and your body. Get rest, exercise, develop healthy eating habits, and find time for spiritual nourishment.

Build a community of friends, co-workers, church members, support groups, and other single parents. It’s okay to be single as long as you’re not alone. Don’t hesitate to ask for their help. Allow others to lift you up when you are down, overwhelmed, hurting, or in crisis.

Let your child know that you love him or her, both in words and action. Recognize your child’s efforts and the good things he or she does. Reassure your child, at every possible opportunity, that he or she is a unique, valuable, and loveable person — and expect the best. Love your child unconditionally.

Set a good example by being a person of integrity so that your child will trust you and can model your behavior. Show your child that you stay true to your principles and beliefs. If you want to teach your child honesty, tell the truth. If you want to teach self-reliance, be responsible for your own actions. If you want to teach your child justice and mercy, live by the Golden Rule. Be your child’s role model.

Talk with your teen about choices, boundaries, and the values of your family. Spiritual beliefs and underlying principles will direct, guide, and strengthen your family.

Involve your child in decision-making and establishing family rules and consequences. When you set the family rules, take the time to explain your decision, and be sure to follow through.

Develop routines and family traditions and rituals. Routines such as eating dinner together at a certain time, special times for homework and chores, and regular bedtimes offer stability through prioritizing. Traditions and rituals such as attending religious services together, birthdays, holiday celebrations, family reunions, and Sunday dinner conveys family identity and can give meaning through the generations.

Spend time with your child each day. Your child needs your undivided attention. Set aside a special time together. You can provide a listening ear, words of encouragement, and share fun activities.

Don’t overindulge your child. Happiness and loving relationships cannot be bought. Parents who are generous with material possessions, allow too much freedom, and provide too much help do not let their children learn how to balance privilege with responsibility. Overindulged children are often immature, self-centered, angry, spoiled, narcissistic, lack motivation, and have self-control problems.

Don’t take your anger, anxieties, frustrations, or personal problems out on your child. Anger is physically, emotionally, and relationally damaging. Watch your own words and make sure you’re not belittling your child but rather building him or her up. Make sure your child feels comfortable approaching you and expressing his or her feelings.

Don’t say negative things about the other parent or force your teen to take sides. Your child has the right to love both parents without guilt or disapproval.

Don’t confide too much of your personal life — you are the parent, not your child’s buddy, and your child is not your confidant.

Remember that there is no thing as a perfect parent. Everyone makes mistakes and has problems. Acknowledge your own mistakes, handle them with maturity, and learn from them. In this way, you can overcome your problems, deal with issues, change situations, and show your child your strength and character.

Taunya Kennedy

bingo

Here is a cool way to play a group game of BINGO with your entire youth group.
Mix it up by having some “secret super prizes” that correlate with certain squares on the BINGO card – your group will LOVE it!

Materials Needed: BINGO Cards, BINGO Chips, Callout Chips

You can make your own BINGO cards here!

Activity Time: 15 minutes

Instructions:

1. Separate the group into teams of two (or if your group is small enough, each student can receive their own card)

2. Hand each group a BINGO card and some chips.

2. Pull a callout chip out of the bag. If the item called out is on their card, place a chip on that item.

3. The first team to fill a row horizontally, vertically, or diagonally will win a prize – the prize should be something cool like movie gift certificates, restaurant gift certificates, iTunes gift cards, etc.

Variation!

Promote this as a huge event! There could be a huge prize like a gaming system, iPod, $200 shopping spree, etc. You could incorporate food (PIZZA!) into the night and have the kids invite their friends to come. End the night with a powerful message from the Word and alter call. This could be a great opportunity to impact lives for God.

seeking God

“…He [God] rewards those who sincerely seek Him”. – Hebrews 11:6 New Living Translation

Take a moment to think about the things you have done to get or seek the attention of someone you really liked. You probably went out of your way to talk to them, be around them or wore an outfit you thought they might like. You also may have showed up at places you thought they would be or even hung around people who knew them. And you probably did things you thought would please them or make them like you more. Whatever you did, your actions were focused on letting them know you knew they existed and that you were interested in getting to know them. The reward you received from your actions was the birth of a new relationship or friendship.

But, the most important relationship in your life is your relationship with God. All the energy you put into seeking the attention of other people should not compare to the amount of energy you put into seeking God.

Simple ways you can seek God and let Him know you know He exists:

1. Read your bible daily – 2 Timothy 3:16-17
2. Pray/Talk to Him on a regular basis – Philippians 4:6-7
3. Hang around people who know Him – Proverbs 27:17
4. Attend church on a regular basis – Hebrews 10:25

By doing these things over time, you will develop a relationship and friendship with God that will far surpass any other. And the rewards for doing will be so much greater too. So, make a quality decision to do these things on a consistent basis and reap the rewards of your actions.

youth health watch

Doritos by third period and a Snicker for lunch was my usual menu in high school. So it’s no surprise that in my 20’s, I’d rather choose Burger King over a salad and Kool-Aid over water. It just tastes better! However, it’s not the better option.

Cancer, heart disease, and high-blood pressure is not something that older people just “get.” These problems mostly “develop” over time when we don’t take care of our bodies. But we have to be healthy so we can be ready to fulfill the destiny that God created for all of our lives.

We only get one life, and that’s it. Yes, heaven is a far better place than earth. But why be in a rush to get there? I rather not eat the foods I love, or eat them in smaller portions so I can live longer and appreciate the gift of life that God has given me. It can be hard to give up cheeseburgers and steak, but consider your life to be a more valuable trade off.

We’re young now, but we won’t be always. I don’t want to turn 60 years old, be retired and full of life experiences and wisdom, but can’t enjoy life because 24-year-old Teresa ate too many Whoppers and refused to stop eating so much candy.

So pass up the corner store before heading to school sometimes. You can go without sneaking candy into classroom at least three days a week. And stay away from those small juices that contain 5 percent or no percent of fruit juices! Look closer at those food labels…you’ll be surprised at what your digesting, as well as what you’re not.

If you make wiser choices now, it’ll be easier to adapt to possible changes recommended by your doctor as you get older. You guys have a while before that’s even an issue in your life, but when you visit the doc, you want the best news possible. So don’t overindulge in your favorite meats and sweets now, because you may pay for them later.

Teresa Sewell

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