fear based parenting

I am obviously not a good blogger. I have about six or seven blog entries on this site…so I am lacking in the area of “blogg-i-ness.” This is just backwards to me because if you ask my family and friends, I am never in lack of having something to say. So, I don’t know what the problem is. LOL – I’m going to commit to do better.

Well, I am reading this book called Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel (order a copy of Grace Based Parenting here). I have not finished it, but it is ministering to my soul right now. If you don’t know, I am a parent of a four year old boy (Eddie, IV or “Quad”) and a two year old daughter (Kendall will be two on October 11th). Quad has been my “easy” kid for almost all of his life. Very laid back, very low key, easy going like his dad, sweet, gentle and loving. Recently, however, he has entered into a stage that I am unfamiliar with. Stubborn beyond belief, disrespectful, disobedient, defiant…I am telling you this is unchartered territory for me. Kendall has spent her second year of life showing me that not all kids are low key and laid back and SHE previously held the title of the “challenging” one, but lately, her 2-year old antics have been preferred to her brother’s…(LOL).

So, Eddie and I have taken to prayer, the Word and study on how we can serve our son during this trying time. We believe God for the wisdom and grace for ALL of us – the entire family – to navigate through this time. But I must confess, there is an area in my heart that I have had to deal with in order to trudge through this daily. Fear. Fear that we are not doing this parenting thing right. Fear that there is some outside influence in our son’s life that we are unaware of that is fostering this behavior. Fear that we won’t get through this successfully.

So, as I was reading through this book, I came across this section that I thought I would share with you all. I will never claim to understand what it is like to parent a teenager, and since this is a teen ministry site, I don’t want to ever come across as if I do. But, our prayer is that the revelations that we (Eddie and I) receive as parents transcend the ages of our children and reach far beyond our individual experiences; that God sees each and every need in the lives of the parents and families that read our material. That is my hope today as you read below.

Fear-Based Parenting
We’re scared of Hollywood, the Internet, the public school system, Halloween, the gay community, drugs, alcohol, rock ‘n’ roll, rap, partying neighbors, unbelieving softball teams, liberals, and Santa Claus. Our fears determine our strategy for parenting. I see it everywhere I go. I hear it echo in the back of a parent’s concerns. The moms or dads begin their statement or question to me with the word “I’m afraid of…” When I look at how the standard evangelical family has formatted their strategy for parenting, most often I see fear behind the steering wheel.

If you took all the categories of advice that Jesus gave us in the Gospels, you’d find that the longest list is made up of verses where He says, “Don’t be afraid.” If we have put our faith in Him, we should be the last people afraid of just about anything! Fear-based parenting is the surest way to create intimidated kids. It’s also the surest way to raise Christian kids who either don’t have any passion for lost people, are indifferent to the things of God, or out-and-out rebel against their parents, their church, and the Lord. [End]

OK, so the first thing I have to combat after reading something like this is…FEAR! Oh how my heart’s desire is to not parent in such a way. But, I quickly reined it in and tried to analyze what I had read and make it life applicable for me. Eddie and I are still in a daily pursuit after God’s wisdom for raising our children and walking this season of life out with Quad. I know this is not an abnormal thing for a 4-year old, believe me.

What I also know is that God is faithful to the Mason Family. He will not let us down or let us fall. He will guide us into all truth regarding our children, and He is the ultimate caregiver for them (as well as for Eddie and me). Eddie and I will do what we “can.” God will do what He “must.” But just as God will not let us go, we vow to Quad that we believe in him and will not EVER let him go. If this is how we feel about our son – and Jesus calls our love for Quad evil compared to God’s love for him (Luke 11:11 – 13) – how much more does God want us all to get through this successfully and without the smell of smoke? He is so good to us.

So, the next time I hear the words “NO! I don’t want to!” yelled across the house, I will thank God for the wisdom to respond and for Him helping Quad to be able to effectively express what he apparently so desperately needs to express. How good God is to walk with us through this and never forsake us. There is no need to fear – for God is with me.