key pivot points: planning your life around the priority of parenting

Nineteen months ago from the day I am writing this article, my daughter Kendall was born. She was six weeks premature and weighed only 3.7 pounds. She was a little runt! She had a non-eventful 10-day stay in the NICU before she was sent home. After being home for two weeks, she became very ill and was readmitted into the hospital – this time in the PICU. The doctors prepared me for the possibility that she may stop breathing and had a ventilator standing by. Needless to say, this was a very nerve-wrecking time for my family and I. I wish I could tell you that I was a pillar of unshaken faith, but I desperately needed the prayer and support of strong Christian friends at that time. Thank God for their prayers and intercession.

I remember during that time that I would bring my laptop to the hospital to work – I had lessons to write for the Children’s Ministry at my church that HAD to get done (as far as I was concerned). I remember as my daughter slowly became better, I would leave the hospital to go try and knock out some more work at home (keep in mind I was still on maternity leave). Then, when we thought she was out of the woods, she relapsed, developed pneumonia, and was suspected to have meningitis. The doctors prepped me for her spinal tap…my 3-week old premature baby who should have still been inside me was about to have a spinal tap…my Lord.

Anyway, Kendall, as I stated before, is currently 19-months old – completely healthy and strong with no health issues whatsoever. She did not have to undergo the spinal tap and God truly healed her body allowing her to fully recover. The story of Kendall’s illness and recovery, however WONDERFUL it is to praise God for, is not the point of this article. The point I wanted to draw attention to is the fact that while my daughter was fighting for her life in the ICU, I was personally distracted by work that I felt needed to be done. No one at work was making me do it or even required it of me. It took the doctor coming in the room telling me that they needed to do a spinal tap on my baby before my internal light bulb came on…MY DAUGHTER NEEDED ME…ALL of me!

Now, I am not saying that there is something wrong with passing the time away at the hospital by working (I mean, there really wasn’t anything else for me to do there besides hold her and nurse her when I could, and quite frankly the distraction from anxiety was welcome), but what I am saying is that when you find yourself trying to figure out how to “fit” work into your schedule when you have a loved one in serious need as I did…well, there may be a problem there (LOL!).

God used that time in my life to revolutionize my perspective on motherhood. I used to be the type of mother that fit motherhood into her schedule (sad I know). Now, I have learned to fit everything else (work, ministry, socializing, etc.) around motherhood. There is such a big difference between the two.

Eddie and I have learned that for us, there is a short list of priorities that must serve as our life “pivot points,” meaning that there are certain things that we have identified as priorities and anything else after that can only be a part of our lives if it does not take us away from those “Key Pivot Points.” If we found ourselves drifting from our identified priorities, we could now easily recognize the distraction and make whatever shifts necessary to move it out of our lives. The rule of thumb is, “If it takes us away from our Key Pivot Points, it is not what God has for our lives at this time.”

Everyone’s Key Pivot Points are different and personalized for each individual’s or family’s life season. Right now, at the time of this article, Eddie and I have identified the following as our priorities (in order):

1. Our Relationship with God
2. Our Marriage (our love for, care for, and investment into)
3. Our Children (our love for, care for, and investment into)
4. Our Financial Stability (making sure our base level of functionality is always in tact and that we are moving forward)
5. Our Ministry (making sure we are doing what we believe God has for us to do, but not at the expense of any of the above)

Once we established our Key Pivot Points, we then identified what each of them meant for us as a family or what our goals were in each area. For example, if investment into our children is priority, what does that investment look like? Was it teaching and modeling Biblical character, establishing academic goals, extracurricular activities, and family time? What about financial stability? What was needed to maintain the base level of function for our family as well as to advance us forward? Did we both need to work right now? Was I able to stay home with the kids while they were young? Did Eddie need to work two jobs in order for me to stay at home? Should I pick up a part-time job? These are the types of questions we asked, discussed, and prayed about. We took the time to outline how we defined each pivot point and then made sure all other areas of our lives lined up with what we felt was important.

Everyone’s Key Pivot Points will be different and will most likely alter with time and as God continues to reveal His plans to us for our lives. A family with two parents present may have different priorities than a single parent home. A family with younger children may have different considerations that a family with teenagers. Regardless of the differences, if you are a parent, parenting should always, always, always be a top Key Pivot Point. This may take some creative planning and serious prayer to shift some things that are currently out of place, but God can and will order our steps in order for us to put our children and the desires of our hearts toward them first…and you don’t have to be a stay-at-home mom or dad in order to see the reality of this.

My prayer is that it doesn’t take a near death experience for one of your children before the light bulb comes on for you. The time we have with them is so, so short and we NEVER get it back. The blessings that we receive from them today will be gone tomorrow, but thank God new blessings await us. Don’t let one more day go by without identifying your life priorities, and let God direct your steps regarding your role as a parent in your child’s life.

examples student spotlight nomination form

Do you have an outstanding student in your youth group that you think deserves some extra recognition?
Has your teen done something outstanding that you think others should know about?
Do you know of a student that has done something outstanding and you would like to share it?

Examples wants to know!
Each month Examples will spotlight a student nominated by a youth/ministry leader, parent, friend, or other adult in our newsletter, FB page, and website in order to share with others their achievement. Whether it be academic, athletic, ministry oriented, something outstanding at home, artistic, whatever – we want to know about it!

Examples will chose a winner each month from those submitted and that student will receive the following:
1. $15.00 i-Tunes Gift Card
2. (1) Youth Ministry Resource (a book or resource of our choice)
3. $10 Gift Certificate to a fast food restaurant of their choice

At the end of the year, one student will be chosen to win our grand prize to be announced later in the year.

How do you nominate your student?
Complete the form below and include the following:
1. Your Name
2. The Student’s Name
3. Where the student is from
4. Church Name/Youth Group Name (if applicable)
5. How to contact you
6. Description of why your student should be our Student Spotlight

That’s it!

Nominate your student NOW!

1. Your Name(required)
2. Student's Name(required)
3. Where student is from(required)
4. Church/Youth Group Name
5. Your Contact(required)
6. Description of why your student should be our Student Spotlight(required)
7. Please Enter Code

 

cforms contact form by delicious:days

from grad to gone! what do we do with graduating high school seniors?

One of the Examples leaders recently informed me about some of the young ladies from her church that went away to college this past school year. The report, unfortunately, was dismal. All three ladies had strayed away from serving God. One was pregnant and had not informed her family that she was expecting. All three young ladies were sexually active. All three were involved in hetero and homo sexual lifestyles. Drinking, smoking, drugs…etc. All were between 18 and 19 years old. As I said, the report was not the best (at least from a Christian perspective).

As I talked with her about this, I heard the sadness in her voice. She wanted to know what went wrong. Was there anything that she could have done as a youth leader that could have helped prevent some of these decisions these young ladies had made? Is there anything she could do now? Did she have a responsibility to inform their parents and families of whom she still attended church with? What does she do???

Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon thing. I have worked with youth for a long enough period of time to see many of them go away to school, marry, and have children. I have watched enough of their journeys to know that many times, they don’t continue on a path with God. I have also wondered if there was anything that I could have done differently to have prevented some of their unhealthy life choices. I know oh so well the weight of responsibility that is felt when one of the students I helped to shepherd in the Word does not choose God as an adult.

So, is there anything that can be done to stop this? Well, maybe not completely “stop” it. Every person has to choose their own path and whether or not they want to serve God. That’s just the way it is. Youth Ministry is most effective when it works along side the parents/families of the students to equip them in the Word. The family is the primary sphere of spiritual influence, and Youth Ministry (and the church for that matter) will never replace this. So, a student that does not have a family/home setting that imparts, models, and equips them in the Word on a regular day to day basis, well…sometimes Youth Ministry becomes a band-aid for deeper issues that are there. God DEFINITELY can and does use the church to plant the Word and equip us all to do the work of the ministry, but we cannot ignore the fact that whatever is sown, good or bad, it will be reaped. So, I say all of this to say, much of this is out of our control and only in God’s; we cannot wallow in guilt and blame about what we did or didn’t do.

OK, here is a big HOWEVER…

However, as leaders in church and Youth Ministry, WE MUST take on the responsibility of doing all that we can to reach this age group. Many churches do not have anything in place to serve and minister to young adults during this pivotal time period in their lives. One of the most challenging times for young adults is when they are transitioning from being a high school “kid” to a responsible, functioning adult. In my many years of working in Youth Ministry, time after time I have seen seniors graduate from high school and continue to hang around the youth group each week. A few may have identified a call to work with students and want to become youth leaders…but MOST are there because they don’t want to (or don’t know how to) let go of the old OR are still stumbling upon finding their life direction and destiny. They may not feel they quite fit into the adult worship service, but they also no longer want to be labeled a “teen.”
Just as an elementary school child needs help in transitioning to middle school and a middle school student help transitioning to high school, a high school senior needs help transitioning to adulthood…and this is not done in a one or two time sit down Bible study setting or summer program. This is a two to four year process for this young adult – and this is a VITAL time period for them spiritually. The church should be aware of this and work to walk with them hand in hand in order to help them reach their destinies in God.

What can we do?
I think there are many things that can be done and each ministry will probably have organic needs that are unique to their location and church body. But below are some things to think about and are probably applicable for any church location.

1. Expect some of these students to re-evaluate who they are and what they believe – As much as we don’t want it, it is perfectly normal for a student at this time in their lives to begin to re-evaluate what they believe spiritually. This is sometimes when they discover whether or not they have been living on the faith of their parents or on their own faith. This is common. Our responsibility is to help them process this and, if needed, redirect them back to the Word. This can be done by:
a. Creating a Bible Study for this age group that possibly meets during the same time the Youth Ministry meets (many of them are showing up anyway) that addresses some of these issues.
b. Help the student recognize if they truly have a personal relationship with God and if not, how to develop it (if they even want to!) If you have students that decide that they don’t want to serve God and don’t believe the Word, well, then your service to them now changes. You are no longer discipling, you are now loving them, praying for them, and looking for opportunities to share the Word and love of God to them. Maybe one day it will assist in drawing them to Jesus.
c. In your Bible Study, introduce them to apologetics and make them aware of other religions and belief systems. Then, teach them how to effectively articulate their faith in the Word – helping them get to the point that they can express clearly what they believe and why they believe it. IMPORTANT – they can only get to this point on their own. This is not something that can be taught. This has to be personal revelation for each individual. We can ask questions to provoke thought and help them find answers to specific questions they have, but we cannot “teach” someone to have faith in the Word. This is so important. At this time in their lives, they will begin to meet people and become exposed more to other beliefs that could challenge their faith – especially if they are going away to school. Helping them process through what they believe to a point of clear expression will send them away with a solid foundation and, prayerfully, an unwavering faith.

Also, we cannot wait to do this right before they go off to school. Beginning the above during their senior year of high school would be the ideal time to start working through these things.

2. Mentoring – Assign each high school senior a mentor at the beginning of their senior year. Ideally, this mentor will work with them to encourage them, pray for them, and disciple them until they graduate. This mentor can be key in helping the student determine if they want to go to college or figure out what they would like to do after graduation. Also, once they graduate, a mentor can continue on with them throughout their college experience or the years after graduation. Some things that can be done are:
a. Help a college bound student find a church to attend on campus if they are going away for school.
b. Help them connect with Christian organizations on their campus that could introduce them to other Christian students, student Bible studies, events, etc. Helping them create a healthy social circle.

3. Do not mistake a grounded, sound-thinking high school student as one that will not have any issues with their faith walk after graduation. – This is a huge mistake that some parents and church leaders make. We have to give allowance for these responsible students to go through “the process of transition” as well and not assume they won’t have issues transitioning during this stage in life. They most likely will have some questions and issues, we just need to make sure we extend them the same graces as explained above and be there for them to help, serve, and assist. Don’t make the mistake and assume that these teens are more stable than what they really are; that could prove to be very costly.

These are just a few things to consider as you ponder on what is the best way for you minister to this age group. There are significant needs for them during this time in their lives. Pray, talk it over with other leaders and parents, and get the mind of God regarding these young adults at your local church and see what He may have for you to do for them. I believe He has something for us all…

For more information on this topic, visit www.youthministry.com. Below is a link to an article called “Gradating from Church: An Honest Look at Transitioning High School Grads” http://www.youthministry.com/?q=node/4867

‘Note To God’: Charice releases first single

Jennifer Hudson made “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” her trademark. So it can take a whole lot of guts to be just 15 years old and publically attempt to sing the song on the Ellen DeGeneres show.

But Charice Pempengco didn’t need guts – she’s got unspeakable talent.
As soon as Charice opened her mouth on Ellen’s show in December 2007, she proved that her vocals were as strong as the beat of the drum and a destiny was being fulfilled.

The now 17-year-old wonder appeared on the Oprah Show to perform her first U.S. single, “Note to God.” The song was released on May 18, and hit No.2 on Amazon’s MP3 Downloads Bestsellers and Hot New Releases the next day. The song even surpassed Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb” and Beyonce’s “Halo,” according to the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

When Oprah asked the teen how it felt to sing her new song, Charice fought back tears.

“I’m about to cry because I was so nervous,” she said smiling. “I felt like I was going to faint because this is really big for me. I sang my first song…my own song…people are going to say that’s Charice’s song.”

There are millions of people saying just that! “Note to God” also ranked No. 9 on the ITunes charts the same week it was released.

The song describes an intimate conversation Charice would have with God if she wrote him a letter. Backed by a powerful choir, Charice prays for God to “helps us find a way,” “give us the strength to make it through… because it seems like so much is going wrong” and “for all the hate to be swept away for love.” And even with the soulful sound of the dozens of older choir members, Charice’s voice still leads the pack by a landslide.

Even though Charice is an international success, times weren’t always so great. The Philippine native began singing in amateur competitions as a child to make money for her family. Barely a toddler, Charice, her mother and younger brother left their father because of domestic abuse. It wasn’t until 2007 where Charice gained worldwide attention on YouTube.

Her album, which was produced by music superstar David Foster, will hit stores in the fall. Charice’s fame continues to grow as she works with big name artists. “Note to God” was written by the legendary Diane Warren, who’s known for Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” and Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart.”

As her appearance wrapped up, Oprah reminded Charice to remain humble with her newfound success. “I hope you keep your feet on the ground,” Oprah said, “even when you’re wearing better shoes.”

by Teresa Sewell

praise – giving God what He wants

Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.” – Psalm 150:6

Start today off first by doing a simple task: First, take a deep breath in. Hold it. Then breathe out. Besides exercising your lungs, do you know what you did? You just met the only requirement necessary to give God praise.

Everyday that you wake up, you meet the above and only requirement to praise God. I know that early in my growth as a Christian, I thought that praising God was something that I only did when I was at church and that I did it only because the person on the stage said to; not because I wanted to. Praise is, however, actually something you can also do at home, school, in the car, walking down the street or laying in the bed.

You may be wondering, ‘How do I praise God when there is no music, praise team, or singers to accompany me”? Actually, it’s really simple. Here are a few ideas that will help:

• Just say “Thank You”. You praise God by simply thanking Him for things He has done for you. As you go throughout your day, say thank you to God for things you know He was responsible for.

Psalm 92:1NKJV – It is good to give thanks to the LORD, and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High.

• Tell God about the things in life and nature that you think are beautiful. Is there a flower you saw that you thought was beautiful? Or a certain animal you saw that just amazed you? What about a beautiful sunset or clouds that look like animals? The next time you see one of these things, let God know how you feel. Just letting God know what you think about the things He has created is considered praise.

Psalm 92:4-5 NKJV – For You, LORD, have made me glad through Your work; I will triumph in the works of Your hands. O LORD, how great are Your works! Your thoughts are very deep.

• Sing a song to God. This is probably one of the easiest ways to praise God. The song you choose to sing can be a song you’ve heard or something complete made up by you. As long as the song expresses your love and thankfulness to God, it is consider praise.

Psalm 69:30 NKJV – I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify Him with thanksgiving.

Psalm 98:4 NKJV - Shout joyfully to the LORD, all the earth; break forth in song, rejoice, and sing praises.

• Start your day with this song.

These are just a few ways in which you can give God what He wants. Also, holding your fist in the air and shouting “whoa, whoa” isn’t a bad way to start your day. From this day forward, make it an intentional effort to praise God on a daily basis. By doing so, you’ll be giving Him what He wants.

feather relay

This is a great game to play with a small group of students (10 to 20 or so). If you have a larger youth group, then you will just want to select a few volunteers to play while the rest of the group watched.

Materials Needed:  Feathers, paper plates

Instructions:

1. Create relay teams of about five students each.  Line the teams up in single file lines, relay style.

2. Hand the first person on each team a paper plate with a feather on it.

4. Each team member must race to the end of the room (or to wherever you decide is the end) balancing the feather on the plate. 

5. Once they get to the end of the room, they must turn around and walk back.

6. They CANNOT drop the feather.  If they drop their feather, they must go back to the beginning of the line and try again. (If you think this will drag the game on too long, you can just allow them to stop where they are, place the feather back on the plate, and then start again.)

7. Once they make it back to their team, they must pass the plate and feather to the next person to do the same thing until the whole team has a turn.

The team that finishes the relay first wins.  Have prizes ready to give to the entire winning team – which is why we suggest making the teams no larger than five students!

 

Daily Living Your Destiny

Jesus was just 33 years old when he died, but He got so much done during His short time on earth. He healed the sick, made the blind see (among other miracles), He traveled, learned, served, ministered, saved the world…. He had a purpose and a plan and executed it precisely. You know, we all can have the same kind of life – one that is filled with extraordinary accomplishments and fulfillment. We just have to get in tuned with the Holy Spirit, figure out what talents and gifts God placed in us, and work to develop them to in order to become what He created us to become.

 

As we walk daily in God’s perfect plan for us, below are some things to keep in mind in order for us to stay on track:

1.)    Thank God that we don’t have to live a life of chance.

The blessings we receive are not mere coincidences.

“’For I know the plans that I have for you,’ says the Lord. “’They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’” (Jeremiah 29:11, KJV)

Lean on this scripture whenever you feel like you are losing your way. God already knows how to guide you.  There is an expected destination for you.  If you have seen “Slumdog Millionaire,” you’ll remember that all of Jamal’s life experiences ultimately lead him to his destiny.  I know that this was just a fictitious movie, but God’s will and timing sort of work the same way.  We may not understand the purpose for what we are experiencing “now,” but God sees the beginning and the end of our lives; He knows how all of the pieces fit together in order to get us to His destination.  We just need to trust Him.

2.)    Spend time with the Lord.

Before you start your day, seek the Lord. Pray for His guidance, ask Him to bless your day and continuously guide you into the life He destined you to have. Don’t wait “for” your future to happen. Your destiny is happening TODAY!  Pray for the knowledge to add something to it everyday. Ask the Lord to show you how to get there. “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…” (Hosea 4:6 KJV) Don’t miss your appointed life because you didn’t take the time to get God’s insight on it each day.

3.)    Expect God to answer your prayers and guide you everyday.

You can’t get what you desire if you don’t believe. Believe that God has the power and wisdom to lead you in and to your destiny; that He loves you enough to see you get to your own promised land…the land where your destiny, happiness, and YOU intersect. “For everyone that asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:8 NIV)

4.)    Start thinking BIG. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart…” (Psalms 37:4 NIV)

Nothing is impossible. Do you dream of owning an airline, creating a new clothing line, becoming an international reporter?  Do you like to perform, sing, dance, or act?  Are you good in photography, graphic or web design?  Would you like to travel or do missions work?  God places dreams and desires inside of us. Many times, the desires we have are ones He Himself has placed in us.  So believe that He wouldn’t just tease us with them.  He wants to lead us step by step in order for them to come to pass.

5.)    Don’t dwell on the mistakes you make.

The devil is always ready to remind you of the times you didn’t do well. That’s why it’s important to read your Bible daily so you can begin to believe and develop the confidence to reject the devil’s cunning ways. God knows what you will do before you even do it. He’s not surprised when you make a mistake, but He knows how to get you back on the right track. You can’t be destroyed by the devil’s tactics if you are filled with knowledge.

6.)    Obtaining your destiny will not be easy.

“… Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You’re after one that’s gold eternally. (The Message, I Corinthians 9:24-25)

If everyone had the faith, patience, and endurance to get to their destiny, there would be more happy and successful people in the world. It is so much easier to give up rather than to hope for what you want. The devil wants you to fail, but there is a higher authority (Our God) that will make sure you won’t. You just have to do your part: seek Him, obey, and believe.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m running hard for the finish line. I’m giving it everything I’ve got. No sloppy living for me! I’m staying alert and in top condition.” (The Message, I Corinthians 9:26)

 

 

 

 

 

Mother’s Day Gift Idea for Students – A Scrapbook of You!

Hey Students!

As a mother, I know how EXTREMELY important it is for me to try and capture special things and moments of my children.  My kids are young now (oldest is 3.5 years old at the time of this article), so for me, I’m dealing with saving hospital tags from their birth, documenting “baby’s first ____________ ” (fill in the blank: step, word, tooth, haircut, etc…you understand), birthday party pictures, vacation pictures, and so on.

Anyway, here is my point. I bet your parents would LOVE to have a scrapbook of you during your “older” years.  Here is a great gift idea that is cost effective and carries an EXPLOSIVE impact on your mother, guardian, or whoever is filling the “motherly” role (even if it is your dad!) in your life.

Mother’s Day Gift – Scrapbook Your Favorite Moments with your Mom

1. Pick out some printed photos of you, your siblings, you AND your siblings, you AND your mom, etc. - try and chose photos that are special to you and/or her.  If you are like me and have the majority of your photos stored on your computer, upload your choices to Wallgreens, CVS, or whoever your local drug store is and print some out.  They can have them ready for you in an hour!  I just printed 16 photos personally and it only cost me $3.00!  Sweet!

2. Buy a small scrapbook album (you can find some for like $10.00 – $13.00 or so at Walmart and Target).

3. Buy some scrapbooking items to help you create your pages (stickers, paper, photo tape or glue sticks, etc.  Your cost is variable here – it all depends on what you want to create.  You can keep your cost under $15.00 though with enough supplies to create a few nice pages).

4. Ideas for Pages – you can create themes for your pages like, “Summer 2008, My Basketball Season, Christmas 2008, Mom’s Birthday, 16th Birthday, My 8th Grade Graduation, My Driver’s License/First Car, etc.  You get the idea.  Or, you don’t have to have a theme at all.  It can just be captions of special moments and memories.

5. Write/Journal some short descriptions down next to your pictures that let your mom know why that particular photo is special to you.

5. Leave some empty pages in your scrapbook that you can continue to fill in throughout the coming years.  This can be a gift that keeps on giving!  Creating a scrapbook page for special events in your mom’s life can become a tradition in your home.

Anyway, this may sound like a “geeky” gift to do for your mom, but listen – I’m a mom and let me tell ya that things like this go a LONG way for mothers.  It is something that takes thought and gives you an opportunity to express your heart to your mother, which is something that is sometimes hard for teenagers to do (especially if you are a young man). Us mothers sometimes get so busy with life that we don’t always slow down to capture some of the special moments we will never get back with our most precious gifts – our children.

If you try this gift idea, let us know how it goes on our facebook page or on our site!