Relational Youth Ministry – More than a Bible Study

When I first starting working with students, I was all about establishing programming. A program for the young ladies, a program for the young men, a creative arts program – dance, drama, music, camps, discipleship…on and on and on. The “tighter” the program, the better we reached the students, right?

Well, over the years, I have come to realize that when it comes down to it, students are much more easier to satisfy than I thought. Although the “programs” are enjoyed, they are not where the “real “ministry takes place. The real ministry seemed to happen individual by individual, interaction by interaction, and impact by impact. It was the “after Bible Study gatherings” at a local restaurant. The breakfasts with a couple of the young ladies on a Saturday morning. The showing up at the birthday parties. The letters in the mail. The small notes. The facebooking. The texting. The reaching out to the parents… It was within these types of interactions the ministry of the Word had its greatest impact and lasting effects.

Below is an exerpt from the book “Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry” by Doug Fields. When I read this, I was like, “Yeah, this is it. This is how we do this.” Now I am not saying do away with “programming,” but I am saying to make building relationships with each and every student a top priority. Become the “Word made flesh” to these students, and watch God move in their lives.

[Start]
Ian was an intern in my ministry for two years prior to his current youth ministry position. Recently I met a man who attends Ian’s church. He gushed, “I love Ian! Actually, my entire family loves him. He’s a great youth worker.”

As I talked with this Ian fan, he never said Ian’s youth ministry was growing, that he has started new programs, or that he was breathing fresh life into a tired volunteer team. I got the impression this father didn’t care about the trappings of youth ministry. Instead, all he talked about was how Ian cared for his son, wrote him notes, went to his football games, and occasionally called him. Then, in the middle of praising Ian, he looked at his watch and said, In fact, Ian is meeting with my son right now!” His eyes watered and a thankful tone emphasized his words as he continued to describe this effective youth worker.

I happen to know Ian has worked hard to change dead programs and inspire weary leaders; however, I’m most proud of him for how he has cared for students. He knows youth ministry programs are needed and can be effective, but he understands that relationships are the key to a healthy youth ministry. His relationship with Jesus is at the center of his ministry. Relationships with students and leaders are central to his focus. Jesus is center; people are central. That’s an equation for a healthy youth ministry. [End]

If you are the lead youth leader at your church, depending on the size of your group, it may be impossible for you to develop personal relationships with every student. Your goal, however, should be to equip and motivate your leadership team to do so. Also, not every student is gonna want a relationship with you and your leaders. Be mindful to not take this personally. Maybe your personalities don’t gel, maybe they would do better connecting with another leader, or maybe they just don’t want to be bothered at all! Whatever the reason, do what you can as a youth ministry team to reach out to each and every student that comes through your doors. That is our responsibility, no matter how the student responds.

The Small Things Matter
Here is a list of small things you can do to reach out to your students and have BIG impact:

1. Send a personal text to the students just to check in on them or to say hi.

2. Send a letter/email/text etc. to the parents bragging on their student.

3. Call the student to pray with them before a big test.

4. REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!!!

5. Invite the student to dinner.

6. Lock-ins with you and a couple of leaders with a group of “same sex” students – keeping the groups small can be very impactful.

7. Send small packages with a note to their home on their birthdays.

8. Slip the student a note of encouragement during a Bible Study.

9. Attend their games and school activities, and stay after to interact with them and their family.

I am sure you can think of many other things that would count as a “small but impactful” thing to do. The point is, BUILD THE RELATIONSHIPS – with both the students and their parents and watch God open the doors of opportunity to share His Word and love with them.

P.S. – If you stick with youth ministry long enough, you may be blessed to connect with your former students as they enter into adulthood. If you ever get a chance to ask them what impacted them the most while in youth ministry, watch how much of the relational things they held on to. It may not be a message or a teaching, but you may hear something like, “When you prayed for me when I broke up with my boyfriend…it meant so much to me.” Relational ministry at its best.

For Parents – “Intentionally Listen”

I just wanted to post this insert from a book by Jill Savage called “My Heart’s at Home.” I thought it was great.

Proverbs 4:12 (NLT) – If you live a life guided by wisdom, you won’t limp or stumble as you run.

I thank God daily for bringing more and more wisdom to my family as we strive to live this life of faith and see His abundant life for us manifest. Enjoy the passage and post comments.

Intentionally Listen
“Mom, can we talk?” That’s a question most of us long to hear from our kids. It’s hard for a kid to ask that even in the best relational environment, but it’s nearly impossible for them to ask that when they anticipate the response will be a lecture, a dozen ways to solve the problem, or out-and-out anger. As a parent, there are two questions we need to ask ourselves: “Am I a good listener?” and “Am I a safe person to talk to?”

Learning to listen is one of the most important skills in which a parent can grow. How we listen will determine whether a person feels heard, valued, and repsected. Many years ago, four-year-old Austin was telling me a story while I prepared dinner. He sat at the insland in the kitchen while I moved from the refrigerator to the sink to the pantry and back again. As Austin talked, I gave some verbal reponses to let him know I was listening. But that wasn’t enough. Finally, he interrupted his story and said with frustration, “Mom, will you listen to me?” I told him I was listening and even repeated part of the story back to him. He responded with, “No, don’t just listen with your ears. Listen to me with your eyes.” Wow. There’s nothing like a life lesson from your four-year-old.

We can remember the three keys to listening well with three words: Stop, Look, and Listen.

1. STOP everything you are doing and turn your body toward the person talking.

2. LOOK in their eyes to give value and affirmation as they speak.

3. LISTEN intently and refrain from using your mouth except to encourage.

If they are facing a problem that needs to be solved, you might ask, “Are you looking for solutions or do you just need me to listen?” This helps clarify what your spouse or child is looking for from you as they vent. It also makes you a better listener and makes them feel you are a safe person to talk to. [end]

I just thought this was a powerful section of the book. It’s pretty simple, but even as I type this blog, my 3.5 year old walked up to me upset because he couldn’t find his toy school bus. I addressed his concern without even breaking my type…I still have a lot to learn, huh?

is dating in the bible? (lesson)

Is dating in the Bible? To answer upfront NO.

Dating, by definition, is a fairly new concept to our culture.

Now, as time goes on, new cultural and social practices will continue to be introduced and created.

Things will always be changing in this world we live in and social norms will continue to evolve.

It is because of this, however, that we should cling to what the Word instructs us regarding all areas of our lives so that we don’t stray too far from God’s original intent for His us.

Example:
God created music. He created it for our enjoyment and for His for that matter. The ways we listen to and enjoy music, however, has changed since the beginning of mankind. We are living in a world where we can access music from just about anywhere; the internet, our phones, music videos, downloads, etc. Even though the ease or access, distribution, and creation have changed, God’s original intent has not. The impact music has on and in us has not. Even though God desires for us to enjoy it, He also desires to be glorified in and with music. Also, no matter how music evolves, words will always, ALWAYS have great power.

Proverbs 18: 21 (Message Translation)
Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.

So, no matter how technology advances, the words and lyrics we allow ourselves to listen to will always have the power of death and life in them.

The wisdom from the Word regarding music will always remain constant:
• Guard our hearts with all diligence, for out of our hearts come the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23)
• Evil communication corrupts good manners. (1 Corinthians 15:33)
• Do not be deceived, God is not mocked. Whatever you sow you will reap. (Galatians 6:7)

The point is, no matter how society evolves the truths of the Word do not and will always apply to our lives in some shape or form.

The same is true regarding this whole dating thing.
We have to take the more modern day practice of dating and line it up the best we can with the models set in the Bible in order to get back to God’s original intent.

Matthew 1:18 (New Living Translation)
This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit.

In the King James version, the word that was used instead of engaged was “espoused.”
This word means the following:

1 to woo her and ask her in marriage
2 to be promised in marriage, be betrothed

The word “espoused” implies that there was some type of relationship between Joseph and Mary before they were married.

Joseph, in some way or fashion, “wooed” Mary in order to win her affections.

This is HEALTHY and GODLY. There is nothing wrong with attempting to win over the affections of someone you like. BUT, God designed for this “wooing” to be going on towards the person we are considering for marriage.

We are not talking about casual attractions here.

We are talking about a person we are seriously considering to marry and be a potential parent for our children.

Now that we have a Biblical model, we should desire for our own personal life applications to follow suit.

Every ones own personal life experiences will merit different forms of applicability, but here are some considerations:

1. If you are in a relationship now, is it with someone that you can see yourself marrying?
2. If you are in a relationship now, do you find yourself interested in other people?
3. Do you go out on dates with different people only because you think it is fun to do?
4. Are you even ready to be considering marriage? Financially, in maturity, responsibly, spiritually?
5. Is marriage the farthest thing from your mind right now, but you still like going out alone with people you are attracted to, engage in kissing and other forms of affection with those people without desiring any type of serious commitment?

OK, so take your answers to those questions and then look back to the model of Joseph and Mary. If you are not “wooing” as a result of a desire and readiness for marriage, then you probably need to just hold off on serious relationships right now.

Just that easy, you are lining yourself up with the Word of God and setting yourself up to receive God’s best in this area of your life.

This is the walk of faith.

To sum this all up:
1. Dating is a fairly new concept to our culture.
2. There are no Biblical examples of “dating.”
3. Our desires regarding relationships, regardless of how our society and culture define them, should always strive to be in line with God’s original intent and plan.

Lesson Downloads
- For Instructors
- For Students

happiness is not just for heaven

Choosing not to sin can potentially make you feel isolated from your peers and make you feel like the “right way” sometimes equals the “lonely way.” People point out that you don’t cuss or wonder why you choose not to blame it on the alcohol. But choosing God’s will for your life instead of Jamie Foxx’s or T-Pain’s way, will always, ALWAYS make up for seeming like the oddball. God will never leave you hanging. Obeying His Word is always worth it. You’ll reap what you sow; which means you’ll live a longer and fuller life. What can beat that? NOTHING CAN!

Deuteronomy 30:19

I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.”

So, when you choose life, NEVER forget that despite your struggle to stay afloat in this world – staying away from the worlds way of doing and being happy – God cares about your happiness. Yes, staying righteous can be difficult, especially for young adults these days — that’s why so many people go astray. However, God wants those who follow Him to enjoy life too and have many blessings right here on earth…you don’t have to wait until heaven to see God’s promises.

Genesis 18:14

God told Sarah she would have a child at 90 years old. And she laughed! But He responded, “Is there anything too hard or too wonderful for the Lord?”

And at her appointed season, God gave barren and old Sarah her precious Isaac – the child she longed for all of her life. So go on and ask Him to bless your studying to pass that math test. Or heal your sick family member. Or don’t even be afraid to ask God to help you fund a trip to the movies with your friends.

Because there is clearly NOTHING your Heavenly Father won’t give you if it lines up with His Word and will for you (timing is always key!). He created ALL things so nothing is too impossible or too small for Him to accomplish in YOUR life.

Psalm 34:10

The young lions lack and suffer hunger ; But those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing.

And don’t be afraid to just ask the Lord to bless you and your future. Creative Recreation and Stilettos weren’t always here with the creation of the earth. Someone had to have a vision and believe that the shoes would sell and become big name companies. So don’t be afraid to ask Him for big requests. What vision does God have for your life? Ask Him so you can receive it. Believing in yourself is one thing, but having God in alignment with your dreams will lead to an amazing life above your imagination.

Look what happened to Jabez when he prayed for big things in 1 Chronicles 4-9:

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested.

NOTE: Be careful not to treat God like a genie who grants “wishes.” He needs for you to do your part too. If you ask Him for money to go out, show Him how appreciative you are obeying what His Word says regarding your money: tithing, giving offerings and alms, and saving the little money you do have. And when you ask Him to bless you in anything, sincerely believe in your heart that He will answer your prayer.

Psalm 37:4 (Amplified Bible)

Delight yourself (be flexible and moldable for God) also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.

the power of text messaging

Did you know that on average, 13 – 17 year olds in the US send 1,742 text messages each month? That’s about 57 text messages per day. I personally know people that will respond to a text faster than an email or a phone call. Voicemail? Forget about it. You might as well consider that a waist of your breath. And sending a letter? What’s a letter?

My point is, the use of TEXT Messaging is growing exponentially and it is phenomenal at communicating with people. In fact, some popular social networking sites allow individuals to send and receive posts via text messaging, which can be pretty handy in promoting that youth event…

Speaking of which, below are some tools that may be useful in maximizing text messaging (taken from http://youthministryideas.net)

Simply TXT: Send individual or group text messages to your students, parents, or volunteers. Simply TXT lets you build groups and send messages whenever you like–you can even schedule them in advance–and the pricing is pretty reasonable.

Poll Everywhere: Create polls and free response questions your students respond to via text message. Results are updated live and can be displayed right on the screen. Pricing is also very reasonable with a free option for audiences under 30 people.

Twitter: Self described, “Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?” People have used Twitter to send text messages to their whole youth group without paying a dime. Here’s how: Set up a Twitter account for the youth group, tell students about it, and show them how to sign up for “mobile updates.” Every post you make to your Twitter will go as a text message to the entire group!

Hope you find this info useful in getting you started in the right direction to better connecting with your youth.

Thanks to the following…

http://swerve.lifechurch.tv/category/mobile

http://youthministryideas.net

http://simplyyouthministry.com/txt.html

http://www.polleverywhere.com

http://twitter.com

Eddie Mason III

tips for the single parent

There was a time when single parenting was the exception and not the norm. According to the U.S Census Bureau single-mother families increased from 3 million in 1970 to 10 million in 2003, while the number of single-father families grew from less than half a million to 2 million. (www.focusas.com). So it is very likely that you know, may be, or may have been a single parent. Parenting is not an easy job, let alone parenting alone.

I know because I myself am a single parent. But like any task where you want to yield excellent results, you have to arm yourself with the tools and resources needed to help you through.

As your children enter the teenage years, the job of single parenting may seem overwhelming and frightening. Our children are faced with so many challenges and it might feel as if you are unable to meet the ever increasing demands that parenting them brings. Be encouraged. You can be a successful parent. It is God’s desire to help you, and it’s His desire to bless our children. Isaiah 44:3 says I will pour water on him who is thirsty, and floods on the dry ground; I will pour My Spirit on your descendents and my blessing on your offspring.

Focus Adolescent Services provided the following tips and instruction regarding single parenting:

Single parents say they have been successful when they have
• optimistic attitudes about themselves and the future
• people to turn to for support and in times of emergencies
• open channels of communication
• time to relax
• agreeable, supportive relationships with family and former partner
• firm rules and standards for their children
• financial or job security
• friendly neighbors and caring teachers
• reliable child care
• knowledge about where to go for help
If you become a single parent when your children are teenagers, extra problems may arise. Teenagers often feel betrayed, rejected, or ashamed when the family breaks up or when there is change in the family structure.

Teenagers may become overwhelmed and overburdened by household responsibilities and younger child care. They may resent the change in their lifestyle. They may feel caught in the middle and develop a cynical attitude towards marriage and relationships. What You Can Do

You can offset the extra stressors that come with a single-parent family by intentionally creating a home that is secure, stable, and loving.

Here are some things you can do:

Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your body, mind, soul, and spirit. If you don’t take care of yourself, you put extra strain on your relationships and your body. Get rest, exercise, develop healthy eating habits, and find time for spiritual nourishment.

Build a community of friends, co-workers, church members, support groups, and other single parents. It’s okay to be single as long as you’re not alone. Don’t hesitate to ask for their help. Allow others to lift you up when you are down, overwhelmed, hurting, or in crisis.

Let your child know that you love him or her, both in words and action. Recognize your child’s efforts and the good things he or she does. Reassure your child, at every possible opportunity, that he or she is a unique, valuable, and loveable person — and expect the best. Love your child unconditionally.

Set a good example by being a person of integrity so that your child will trust you and can model your behavior. Show your child that you stay true to your principles and beliefs. If you want to teach your child honesty, tell the truth. If you want to teach self-reliance, be responsible for your own actions. If you want to teach your child justice and mercy, live by the Golden Rule. Be your child’s role model.

Talk with your teen about choices, boundaries, and the values of your family. Spiritual beliefs and underlying principles will direct, guide, and strengthen your family.

Involve your child in decision-making and establishing family rules and consequences. When you set the family rules, take the time to explain your decision, and be sure to follow through.

Develop routines and family traditions and rituals. Routines such as eating dinner together at a certain time, special times for homework and chores, and regular bedtimes offer stability through prioritizing. Traditions and rituals such as attending religious services together, birthdays, holiday celebrations, family reunions, and Sunday dinner conveys family identity and can give meaning through the generations.

Spend time with your child each day. Your child needs your undivided attention. Set aside a special time together. You can provide a listening ear, words of encouragement, and share fun activities.

Don’t overindulge your child. Happiness and loving relationships cannot be bought. Parents who are generous with material possessions, allow too much freedom, and provide too much help do not let their children learn how to balance privilege with responsibility. Overindulged children are often immature, self-centered, angry, spoiled, narcissistic, lack motivation, and have self-control problems.

Don’t take your anger, anxieties, frustrations, or personal problems out on your child. Anger is physically, emotionally, and relationally damaging. Watch your own words and make sure you’re not belittling your child but rather building him or her up. Make sure your child feels comfortable approaching you and expressing his or her feelings.

Don’t say negative things about the other parent or force your teen to take sides. Your child has the right to love both parents without guilt or disapproval.

Don’t confide too much of your personal life — you are the parent, not your child’s buddy, and your child is not your confidant.

Remember that there is no thing as a perfect parent. Everyone makes mistakes and has problems. Acknowledge your own mistakes, handle them with maturity, and learn from them. In this way, you can overcome your problems, deal with issues, change situations, and show your child your strength and character.

Taunya Kennedy

bingo

Here is a cool way to play a group game of BINGO with your entire youth group.
Mix it up by having some “secret super prizes” that correlate with certain squares on the BINGO card – your group will LOVE it!

Materials Needed: BINGO Cards, BINGO Chips, Callout Chips

You can make your own BINGO cards here!

Activity Time: 15 minutes

Instructions:

1. Separate the group into teams of two (or if your group is small enough, each student can receive their own card)

2. Hand each group a BINGO card and some chips.

2. Pull a callout chip out of the bag. If the item called out is on their card, place a chip on that item.

3. The first team to fill a row horizontally, vertically, or diagonally will win a prize – the prize should be something cool like movie gift certificates, restaurant gift certificates, iTunes gift cards, etc.

Variation!

Promote this as a huge event! There could be a huge prize like a gaming system, iPod, $200 shopping spree, etc. You could incorporate food (PIZZA!) into the night and have the kids invite their friends to come. End the night with a powerful message from the Word and alter call. This could be a great opportunity to impact lives for God.